Queen of Kafooster

IT'S WORKING, IT'S WORKING!

2012-01-19T14:33:00.000-08:00

I once had a phone.. a phone that had been good and kind since aught eight. Then I didn't. It just died. Now, I get pictures for my blog on my phone. I got a new phone. A bat phone- complete with 1960's batman theme as a ring tone, and it's taken two weeks to get the thing to download photos. - So you're in for a listing of finished products. I'm not prolific, the results have been delayed (well maybe a little prolific, it's that time of year)

The Christmas Presents for the nephews, darling things and all the older boys want one too...

This next series should be it's own post, but I couldn't wait to show you anymore. This sweater was knit for my mom when she was a freshman in High school, or so. Around 1958 ish, the cuffs had started to fray (not bad for 53 years) and the sleeves were just a tad too short for me anyway.

So I cut off the tip of the sleeve, changed the k2p2 cuff to just knit and added a brown cuff to the end.. See the full Sweater in the next picture that I cannot seem to separate.

Then my hands were cold, mostly because my eldest always steals whatever gloves I own, then promptly destroys them. So I made fliptop mittens to keep my hands warm, and to play keep away from Sam.

The last thing is a new owl hat. I needed a new hat, as my head has shrunk a bit. Anywho, (get it? who?) I've fallen in love with this pattern and it has spawned a list of people who seem to need this hat as well.

The last picture would have been me in the hat, if the teenager home sick today (the day after his 15th birthday) could take a decent picture... so instead you get a shot of teenagery goodness.

Recovery.

2011-12-11T10:13:00.000-08:00

Really just a short note to catch you up. If you facebook with me you know I just had gallbladder surgery. It was stoned man, I needed to get rid of the worthless bum. I'm trying to pull everything together here and get Christmas gifts made.. I have almost finished the first knitted ball of three that I need to complete for my very young nephews.
It's taken longer than I thought I would. It always does.
And I need to start on Madie's doll.

Still, I'm happy with how the ball is turning out... This one I did in Old fashioned, muted colors, left overs from my wash cloth cotton yarn, and I like how it looks so vintage. Let me know what you think. I love that this pattern comes from Knitty. (the online knitting magazine) and that the woman who came up with it is a mother of four boys who lives in Ireland. Knitting makes the world smaller.. brings us all together right?

Random Thoughts again..

2011-12-03T09:42:00.000-08:00

1. When I'm knitting, and starting a new project (baby hat right now) and it requires ribbing, I find myself thinking about each stitch as I go around the cast on.. as long as it takes to get the stitch on the needle... knit... puuuurrrrrrrl... knnnit... puuurrl.. knit...purrrrrrrrrrrrrl.. knnnnnnidangit... purrrrl. all the way around the beginning. I do it every time.

2. When I weigh myself in the morning. I always exhale as much breath as possible before I step on the scale.

3. It never really makes a difference in the weight, I still do it anyway.

4. I love listening to Ben laugh over something on the Internet he's watching, because, like his father, laughter sneaks up on him and is torn out of his body, almost against his will. It sounds wonderful.

5. I always think about the Christmas gifts I'll make for people starting in August, but I never get around to starting them until December. I think it's a knitter thing.. or a crafter thing. I don't want to appear elitist.

6. My spelling has continued to suck throughout my life, regardless of how many books I read, thank God for spell check.

7. I keep thinking, "I could be cutting out Madie's doll right this moment, but I'm typing instead" I know that I will some time today, but I still feel guilty about typing now.

8. I will always have scads of yarn and sheet music strewn about.

9. My house may never, ever be clean.

10. There is no real # 10, it just felt wrong to stop on # 9.

Old Things.

2011-11-19T19:57:00.000-08:00

Do you have an old article of clothing you love? One that you've had longer than your children? I do. It's a shirt. I bought it in college I think, the late 80's, just a standard Henley T, long sleeved. It started out pink. It's traveled with me, not always fitting me, it's one of those skinny clothes that I just cannot part with, because I'll be in it again.. I will. Now, of course, I am. Over the course of these many years, I've had to dye it, black, to cover the amazing amount of stains that can accumulate on a light pink shirt. When I dyed it black, like 10 years ago, I changed the buttons. One of the two buttons that was still on it fell off in the wash today, and I thought
"I have to go to Joann's and get buttons." Then I thought,
"Crap, I can't really buy buttons right now, John's just been laid off."
Yeah, it's true, actually his last day will be Dec 2nd. He has been working at THE newspaper in Oregon for 28 years now. He is working really hard to figure out how to reinvent himself at 50. This is not really what this post is about.. just background.. bad couple of weeks for sure, anyway.
Then I thought.
"Mum's buttons!"

You know, the buttons that I have, in old glass jars, I grabbed them out and started looking for the right ones. I found them, actually Ben helped me finish the last choosing, the "Do we go with the black or the grey?" We went with black.

But this is the thing, this is the connection, once again. The reason that we cut the buttons away from the clothes that are too worn to wear. They can be used again. They can come in handy and dress an old piece of clothing up. The saving done 50 years ago, can give a granddaughter a new lease on an old, beloved shirt. I know that it sounds strange to so many people out there, but I believe we are all coming to this more and more with our economy, I see this at work all the time, (I work for a credit card company) people's habits are changing, a lot of people, and I am glad of it. I'm thinking more of the things that I can make this year for Christmas, and I'm looking at the pantry for dinner fixings more that a quick trip to the store. Old story, new generation. Old buttons, new shirt.

Writing Poems with Sam

2011-11-08T21:55:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, I was a poet. You know, really a writer and stuff... not a blogger and a mom. Sam had an assignment to write a poem for Freshman English. His teacher, being wise, and listening to me when I told her to give him a choice of two topics not any choice he wanted gave him the choice of a poem about his mom, or game design. He chose the latter, and of course needed help with it the day after it was due. This is my world. However tonight Sam and I spent several hours on this. I hope you like it as well as we do.

Game design

The scent of Sour cream and cheese wafts up the nostrils of Creator, the smell sickens his stomach, but he is addicted to the taste, the crunch. The sweetness of sarsaparilla deluges down his throat making his tower smell of a children’s brewery.

The screen of the computer bursts with the genius and failures of Creator.

Reams of parchment and piles of incandescent chroma quills are scattered manically with renderings of Creators madness.

Gentle depressions driving alphabetic wonder willing Creator’s thoughts into being. Drum, Drum, Drum rhythmically tapping imagination into reason

Creator grasps a parchment, who pops with joy, as it was chosen by creator to preserve his thought. A quill is frantic with elation as it is cradled with love, knowing it will preach Creators decree to all corners of the world

Tortured by a full bladder, Creator knows that if he leaves for even a moment a stroke of brilliance could be forever lost.

Creator scrutinizes his cosmos; does it need a behemoth serpent ruling like an emperor over his tundra? Should trees murmur mournfully as the sun sets in the south?

There should be rain… there should be glowing hearths in the homes of the good hearted… there should be little brothers to plague the hero, and to lead him into sacrifice.

Creator gazes upon what he has brought forth.

Bushes baring fruit, sweet as that of a first cherry, tear wrenching sunrises to burst the heart with beginnings.

Gliding, glimmering sand slips from the dunes. Dunes collapse into an ocean, cascading with the fury of the overlord within.

Creator stretches, his back cracking with a familiar chorus of sedentary aches, his mind reeling with unparalleled conceits. The seventh day approaches.

Time to journey to the World Of Warcraft.

Halloween costume

2011-10-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

I just have to say... the scarf is for my niece, but we put it around Sam and there you go... Hogwarts in Hillsboro..

Now I have two more Griffindor, and one Hufflepuff scarfs to make.. before Halloween. yeah, okay, chunky yarn.. so I can do this right?

Did I sign up for this..

2011-10-10T17:59:00.000-07:00

You know.. I'm trying so hard to get back into shape. And in the last 4 months or so, I've lost 30 pounds. This is a huge amount of weight when you are 5' 1". I still have another 15-20 or so to go, and I've stepped it up a notch by putting running back into my life. I used to run long distance in school.. High school, and College. Not on any team, just going out for 3-5 mile runs a day.. whenever I felt like it, because in that day and age my lungs did not feel the need to explode at this type of exercise. I've just started a 1st day to 5K podcast trainer on my Ipod. First day today, went really well, and as I cool down, and listen to my children haggle with each other about whatever it is that they feel is worthy of argument at this moment, I wonder if I understood that parenthood would include this kind of constant refereeing.

Another random thought for you.. I started playing the violin July 2010.. still working on this daily.. loving it, and with the running and the losing weight, my very sweet (and young) neighbor commented the other day that she is sure I'm going through my midlife crisis.

Apparently I'm old enough now that learning new things, and getting in shape is not to be taken at face value.
This must be a milestone in some way... right?

E-mails to an Asperger's mother from the new High School teacher and the response...

2011-09-14T16:55:00.000-07:00

Subject: sample for biome poster

Hi, Michelle,

Here is a sample for Sam’s biome poster in Bio. He can do a powerpoint instead of drawing on the poster he was given. He can just swap out the pics in this one and replace them with others he finds on-line. Would also be helpful to reword things.

You were on the phone at the PERFECT time today! Not only did he not have the algebra assignment when he came down here, but his English teacher reported he was sleeping in class. So he couldn’t take the notes which will be used for a quiz on Friday. I let Sam know about this, and he said he would take the quiz anyway. We also talked about solving the problem by asking for a copy of the notes. But again, the perception of the teacher who doesn’t know Asperger’s could be that he is capable of taking notes and has chosen to sleep without seeing it as being overwhelmed.

Wanted your thoughts on whether or not Sam shuts down by sleeping. Is he overwhelmed when we see this?

Thanks, Kristina

_________________________________________________________________________________

RESPONSE:

Okay...

Sam would like to discuss options for staying focused during classes that bore him (his words not mine) he did let me know that the lecture today was on plagiarism.. and that he was awake, just had his head down .. take that with a salt lick, but anyway.. I have let him know that I expect him to be putting his very best foot forward to make his high school work a priority... and that I will yank all things computer away if he does not.. also he will not be getting a job when he is old enough if he cannot handle his school. He is just finishing work on problems on math now.. he thinks he remembers them all... and if you could just check that he has them all done 1st period tomorrow, that would great. Also.. I'm not sure I understand the biome poster assignment. He is expected to do a 64 page power point assignment? Is that what you intended to send me? I have nothing on what the biology poster is supposed to be about, and I couldn't find the assignment in any of his folders. I have separated all the folders into subjects.. Sam has them color coded.. Do you think we can encourage Sam to use the damn things (I'm reading out loud to him :) ) and place his assignments in each folder so we can find out what needs to be done, and when... I would love a planner and would pay if needed....

gasp... deep breath..

I swear by all that is right and holy and I intend to have him go forward and do this work that is required, because I know that he is capable...

gasp... another deep breath...

Also, is there a web site where the teachers place the homework on? like a site on the school website where they will list the homework for the night so I can double check it that way? Just a thought.

Thank you for listening to my rambles... by the way.. no, Sam does not deal with being overwhelmed by sleeping.. he just goes off by himself for awhile. (he was just reading over my shoulder and corrected my spelling of "awhile".. and confirmed that I was correct)

He was laying his head down because he was irritated and bored.. not due to being overwhelmed...

sigh.

chelle

Another project to finish

2011-07-30T12:34:00.000-07:00

So, years ago, when my mom and aunt went through my mum's things, after she had been placed in a facility, as she needed 24 hour care, my mom brought home some of mum's things to me. Some old buttons that were collected over years, that I treasure, and then quite a lot of these..

These transfers are for flour sack towels. Now, many people today do not know why flour sack towels are called that... let me explain, because it's a rant that I've been meaning to share, and this is my soap box, damn it. so..

Flour used to come in sacks, not made of paper, paper was very expensive to make, flour came in "sacking" you know, white material. This was not wasted, it was used, for undergarments for children (my mom for example) or, they were cut out, and hemmed for use for drying the dishes. Who had dishwashers after all? This is where the rant begins, hold on.

Women had much work to do, but humans have always wanted to surround ourselves with art, with beauty, we crave it. Women especially have tended to fill their everyday, practical possessions with beauty. Not art to be hung on the wall, but art that was used, worn, covered our children's and our husband's bodies, and their beds. Quilts, socks, sweaters, shawls, blankets, we've made them from new materials when we could afford it, and out of scraps of old things (old dresses became quilt pieces when the dresses could no longer be worn) so as not to waste anything.. who could afford to waste? Striped socks, after all, were striped only because you needed to use up bits of yarn that was left over from other projects. This is a rant, because so many of my friends, when I make things for them, don't want to use them, they want to frame them and put them on a wall... or I see these flour sack towels at antique shows.. like old furniture.

And we made our flour sack towels beautiful too.. my mother told me that my mum used to take seven towels with her during election day, when she and my mother's aunts would man the polls for the town, and she would take the embroidery floss, and each woman would get a towel. By the end of the day, mum would come home with a new set of seven, the colors chosen by the woman doing the work. I imagine that they discussed this with each other casually. I bet my mom could tell, when mum got home, which aunt did which towel.. knowing my mom, I bet she tried to guess. My mom learned to embroidery on flour sack towels.. for that matter, so did I... After my first, laborious cross stitch, I still avoid cross stitch.

Circling back to the point, when I got those Aunt Martha's stamps, I tried to iron on the one in the picture up there (before the rant) and it was in red, and too faint to see. I was so disappointed, I set the towels aside, they've been in a box for years. The day I got home from my mum's funeral, John wanted to go to Joanne's for some gold ribbon for his Knug Fu belt... I went to the embroidery section (not my usual section as you know.. I was called, I swear) and I found this... just one was there...

It looked more modern, but is the exact same stamping... So instead of knitting lately, I've been working on these.

I've been asking various people at random intervals to pick out colors, people at work have gotten used to this, I had someone gripe at me the other day.. "HEY! it was my turn to pick the color for the guy's shirt!" (true story!) My thought was to try to duplicate the different color choices that would have come that election day with my mum and all of my Great Aunts. I'm starting the 5th one today, I've promised Sam that he can pick the color for the lettering (I always start there) but I'm going to be picking up my mom soon and we are going shopping today... I want her to pick out colors for the last one. It's only fair.

I will be using them, of course. The ones I did way back in 2008 (you can see them in the history of the blog) have been well used, and need to be retired, they are stained with strawberry pop, and something greasy that John was cleaning up (God help me). But these are to be USED, to be a part of every day. And I will save the old ones, maybe send them off to my quilting friends, they can use the old panels for quilting blocks. Waste not, want not.. and everyday life, even doing the dishes, should be beautiful.

Update

2011-07-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

Gave the blanket to Rebecca this morning... she cried. She's decided that she is giving it to her first grandchild. Who is on the way. The beat goes on and on and on and on...and that is exactly what I was talking about, you know?

Finishing what's been started.

2011-07-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

Do you know what this is?

This is Michelle, knitting on an afghan in 85+ heat, in a car, see?

Why you may ask? It's kind of connected to the last post.. kinda, you see, I have been 3 times honored.. I have had people come to me and say,

"My mother started this blanket, and she didn't finish it before she died, Michelle, do you think you can look at it and see if you can finish it for me?"

Actually one of the times was a man who's grandmother had made him an afghan for his high school graduation and it was unraveling.. Les is a grandpa himself now, mid 60's I patched it up, and I hope he will have it for the rest of his life. He treasures it for what it is.

Anyway the point is that a friend handed me this garbage sack with a blanket in it (they have all brought them to me such... I wonder why?) and Rebecca-- who is a master baker, master canner, and master gardener.. among other things (I admire her greatly, I can tell you) said that her mother had it almost finished and just didn't quite get it done. I opened this up today on the way to a family birthday party, knowing that I would have at least an hour both ways to work on this with no thoughts of "I should be doing the dishes" getting in the way, and I found that Rebecca was right.. there was only one row and then the casting off.. I wonder if she knew how close her mom really was to done.

As I finished this, I thought to myself, over the centuries, how many women have quietly picked up their mother's unfinished work, and stitch by stitch, completed it for her. Not just because of the waste of the unfinished work.. that would be bad too, but because of the connection of the loved one. The shared effort of the completed work. Mom would have wanted it to be finished, she was still working on it after all. How stretching out over the time of humanity this compulsion must have happened again, and again, and again. As a very private mourning between mother and daughter, or even father and son, they had work to be finished too. This compulsion is so strong, that even when the skills are not known by everyone, and every house no longer has a work basket, people reach out to someone who does have the skill to see the work completed.

I'll tell the truth here, tears slid down my checks as I cast off that last stitch today, and I prayed for Rebecca and her mother.. I don't even know what her name was, but I found one of her hairs knitted into the afghan and smiled. I came home this evening and washed and dried the completed blanket.

I feel a deep and true satisfaction that nearly no one can tell where her work started, and my ending came.

After all, it was mother's work, and I was just finishing what she started, honorarily.

Amuma (Grandmother)

2011-07-10T12:34:00.000-07:00

Amuma is Basque for Grandmother. (pronounced a moo ma--short a sound both times) This was my mother's mother, and June 1st she died.   We had gotten a call the day before to let us know that her kidneys were shutting down, and my mother called to let me know that she and my dad were going to drive to Eastern Oregon the next day. I really wanted to go, but my husband was supposed to go to North Carolina for a Knug Fu Testing. (He is a 6th degree black belt and was to sit on a testing board) My wonderful husband cancelled his trip, and told me to go to the funeral. So within an hour, I had called work let them know I would be gone, told my mom to pick me up on her way out of town, and had started to pack.

You see, my Amuma had a really rocky path of a life. In a time when mental frailty was just not spoken of, and handled even worse, my Amuma had to deal with everyday life with what would have been called "having had a break down" (my other Grandma Alice always used to say of the subject "What did we know? We knew nothing about mental illness, and we still know very little--Grandma Alice was very wise.)

Don't get me wrong, this did not define my mum (pronounced moom) She was in so many ways the most generous of women. She loved fiercely, but often did not show it as easily, mum's way was to make sure that you had peaches when they were in season, or some money to take to the store to buy candy.   This, of course, was my perception as a child.   When I was a young woman, Mum and I went to the movies together, and my perception changed. This is the story I told at her funeral.

After my Ichica (I-long sound cheecha) (grandfather) died my mum and I went to see the movie Ghost
and when the scene with Patrick Swazyee and Demi Moore came on with them working with the pottery wheel.. you know the one right? I was getting worried.  I thought to myself. "Geesh, this is a little hot and heavy for my mum." and I looked over at her to see how she was taking the scene. She had tears running down her face. I was really worried, I said
"Mum, are you okay?" she answered me without taking her eyes from the screen.

"I had the world's best lover."

This was spoken so softly, with such passion. I was completely floored. My perception of humanity changed at that very moment. Grandparents had lovers. Mothers and Fathers had lovers. Not just the knowledge of this that our heads have.. that in our minds we know this must be so because we ourselves are here.. but the heart felt, soul touched surety. That before I felt the pull of passion, before I cried tears of joy from the beauty of my lover's embrace, my grandparents felt this same desire, the same pull toward each other. I have never looked at any one person in the same way.  That moment with my Amuma changed my entire world view.  Every one of us, Grandparents, Parents, everyone you meet has had hopes, dreams, aspirations, despairs, and lovers.

My Grandmother lived  23 years after the death of her lover.

I had said to one of my cousins the day before the funeral that I was feeling guilty that I wasn't more upset (of course I started crying then when I said that at the funeral) but what came to me the next morning, and what I said at the end was that I knew that at the minute of my mum's death, my mum and cheech shared a kiss that shook the universe. How could I be sad for that?

This isn't exactly how I said it of course.. I didn't write it down, and I was speaking to family, they all knew the love that my grandparents shared. At that country funeral, with their best wrangler jeans on, and their Stetsons covering their hearts, many of those still there witnessed that love from beginning to end. What did I know? I came in kind of late in the game after all. But on that very windy hill, with the sun just peeking through some fluffy white clouds in a little town called Jordan Valley, Oregon it seemed the right time to point it out again.

Almost Summer

2011-06-13T21:28:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the last half day of school... I am so very ready. I think I'm more ready than my boys.

summer, summer, summer, summer, SUMMER!

Take that you lacey blue thingy...

2011-05-03T17:19:00.000-07:00

Well.. I do hate to lose.

Now I just need to run it to my friend Melissa.. and be done with it. I think I just stuck my knitting tongue out at it.

So you think you can knit??

2011-04-29T17:01:00.000-07:00

This is for all of my readers (the two of you) that always go on and on about my ability to knit absolutely anything, and with the apparent thought that I never, never get frustrated with it. I envision you thinking that I serenely sit back, knitting, without looking at my hands, with a beatific smile on my face, and a glow to my skin.

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!

I have been knitting for over a week to try to work on a little lacy cowl for a friend of mine. She has a Bar Mitzvah to photograph at the last part of May.. the 20th to be exact.   The family is Orthodox, so she will need to have her head covered in Temple. This will be perfect for her. A cowl will lay around her neck outside, be lovely over her head inside, and is so, so light that she can wear it, even on the hottest days of the summer.

I hate this thing. It is a very easy little lace pattern. Really it is. Two rows, one pattern row, one knit row, and every damn row I was off on the stitches.   I HATE to count stitches on each row. In my arrogance I checked the errata on line to see if the pattern was written wrong, you know, missing a step? I found out that I was reading the pattern wrong, and then was okay.. like, "All right, I was just reading this wrong.. I'm such a goober, but it happens."

So I sat down to work on this again, and yet again... YET AGAIN I am off on the stitches... I was so mad, so fire breathing dragon mad that I did this.....

I cut the whole thing off the needles and recast on the damn thing.. 90 new, long tail cast stitches. I will start working on it again tonight sometime, but I had to knit on some socks just to settle my nerves.

Update on Grandma.. and stuff

2011-04-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Just to let you know Grandma Betty is doing really well, she had a couple of pins put in, she spent 3 weeks in Rehab and is back home... that woman is my hero. Actually she is stronger now after 3 weeks of forced labor.. no rest for the wicked I told her. Things are really great around here, except that I have had no time to pick up my violin, and I have to be the homework Nazi tonight, helping the 14 year old Sam write "Six and one half paragraphs" (the original assignment is 8 paragraphs, which is an insurmountable task for any spectrum child) this was due on Friday... Last Friday... it's Tuesday. He has not started this assignment, and will not until I go over, start yelling, cajoling, threatening. Frankly I'm ready to drowned my angst in the copious amounts of sugar left over from Easter baskets.. I am really looking forward to summer. No homework. I bet Pam is looking forward to Summer too. OHHHHHHH I am being called into the dark void of homework.. the excuses are starting.. ("I cannot read the notes" is the big one right now) and "Mom, do you know what this says???" was just yelled from the other room..

Let us bow our heads and pray for the sanity of Chelle.

Catch up

2011-03-12T09:04:00.000-08:00

I have to take some pictures.. I have a new green hooded sweater.. that is all "Lord of the Rings"-elven like, and I'm making new slippers. I've got yarn on order to choose for another sweater.. I'm on a hoodie kick lately. I'm sure it has nothing to do with Oregon weather, and I've made some adorable hats for my photographer friend.. Oh.. I can show you those.. see..

She is an amazing photographer.. and a really nice lady too. She laughs at my jokes, which is kind of a prerequisite for being my friend.. my ego being what it is..

I'm still learning the violin.. and will be forever. Learning what my instructor calls the "monster instrument to learn" LONG TERM PROJECT.

I had another skype session with Joan.. and I would do a little cool linky thingy to her blog.. which is on the side of my blog.. Joan's Good Life.. if I could but, I'm not a good geek with computers..

I really love Joan. What a great person, she laughs at my jokes a lot. And I totally almost made her spew when I told her she was a chicken shit... but you kinda had to be there. Joan's great for my ego too.

Do you see what you're missing Pam? We need to have a coffee date on Skype.. I love this day and age. When I was a child, the women of the neighborhood would come together and have coffee after all the children went off to school to start their day.. I call it "Coffee table counseling". In my family it is still the best therapy out there.. With skype, my neighborhood now includes Nebraska, and Sody Daisy, Tn. (I love the name of that town).

On the more serious side this morning.. I would ask for some prays for my Grandma Betty, who just turned 93 last month. She fell last night and broke her hip. She has surgery in one hour. She is, far and away, one of my heroes, what a strong, amazing woman, who still has the sense to laugh at herself, and the rest of us-she keeps me humble, she does.

Skyping with my homies

2011-03-01T16:35:00.000-08:00

Well, maybe just with one of my homies.. or maybe with Joan.. you know of Joan's good life? Out of the blue on Saturday I get this call from Nebraska.. you know on my caller ID? and my husband says "Nebraska?" like "Really?"

Anywho, it was Joan, saying "If I have to spend one more hour puzzling out this sock heel alone I may just commit sock Hari Kari (that is loosely translated of course.. I'm taking my usual fictional license here) I was thrilled! I was so excited to talk to her, but trying to "show" someone how to knit a short row heel over the phone is more than even my own vocal overachieving self can manage.

She pushed me into it.. (Actually I've been wanting it for ages, it was the perfect excuse!) I went and got a computer camera and set up Skype. And by Sunday afternoon, we were hanging out and I was contorting around to show her how to knit a short row heel..

There were ooohhhs and aaahhhs.. a general all around gushing over the technique ---the only way I do my heels by the by. I was feeling great about the whole thing, until Joan e-mailed me later to confess that she spent her time watching instead of doing and needs to see it again... Now I've been teaching knitting for years and all I can say is "D'OH!"-- because I know better, always, always, always have the student doing most of the work.. not the teacher.. geesh. Sorry Joan, my dear.. my own personal epic fail... I can only blame it on my overwhelming sense of being a Jetson and having video telephone stuff.. I felt all Star Trekkie..

I'll be calling Joan soon.. She has socks to finish..

Oh and Pam, ready to move on past scarves? I'm there for you homie!

Food thoughts

2011-01-17T08:51:00.000-08:00

I've been listening to this book..."In defense of Food" by Michael Pollan. I have to say. I really like the main premise of the book.. Basically... and with much simplification, our bodies are not anthropologically ready for all of our Western, processed food. Maybe, someday we will have super insulin ability that will process all that extra glucose without the fiber we need now.. but we're not there yet. Looking around my house I see nothing but processed food.

Oddly enough, I was raised in a very traditional household. (pre 1950's even... my mom grew up on a cattle ranch in Eastern Oregon.. very Eastern.. she did not have running water or electricity until she was 10 years old. Very pioneer upbringing...) Traditional upbringing in the cooking/crafting department that is.. (Mom is a very modern woman.. boys better clean toilets too darn it!)

Apple Pie was still considered breakfast, thank you.. Along with corrizos, eggs, bacon, toast; the normal fare. Everything.. nearly everything was made from scratch.. Store bought cookies? Whatever for? You cannot buy oatmeal date cookies anyway (my favorite, by the way)

I have found my health declining these last several years.. slowly, Thyroid is low, blood sugar up, weight on. Frankly.. I'm tired of it. I have a great sense of humor damn it.. But my vanity has only allowed me so much leeway on this. So this year, I'm trying something new. No diet.

This is the thing.. It is all about what goes in has to be less than what goes out. I know this. If I measure every calorie, I will lose weight very quickly. But I have no time to breathe lately, and no energy to expend on measuring every single morsel. I, instead, purpose to try to be sure that what enters my body follow a whole foods approach. What if I only eat food as we used too? My own whole wheat bread (not slabs of it with loads of butter...but a piece with an egg in the morning for breakfast) -- This, in itself, is an experiment, I've been avoiding wheat (processed) because it's been making me sick for months. What if I have some cheese and a piece of fruit for a snack.. not pudding in a plastic cup? Wrap up some tuna salad in some lettuce leaves.. not bread.

To my foodie friends out there, this may seem an obvious thing. But I am really coming to the realization that I am not able to continue to eat all of this processed crap and still maintain a healthy body... but I am tired of trying to analyze every single morsel that I chew.

I just want to eat without the freak out.

I'm going to bake some bread now.

slightly mad..

2011-01-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

I have 5 children in my house right now.. from 9 to 15.. watching Disney channel. I spent all afternoon grocery shopping (Costco, then groceries) then putting away the groceries.. cleaning the fridge (kinda) and then doing the resulting dishes. Then making dinner (it was late). There are now dishes to do again.. I need to get up to go to work at 4:00 am (yeah, I work every other Sat.) and right now, while I write a very short post this day.. this day in which I have not touched either yarn or violin.. the kitchen sink is drip, drip,drip,drip,dripping because the last child that but his dish in the sink from dinner did not turn it all the way off..... I'm off to save the earth by finishing the dishes and stopping a drip. My sanity will be a bit harder to save I think...

Can I get a witness??

Silent Crafting.

2011-01-10T09:07:00.000-08:00

You may know that I work in a call center.. I like my job, even given all the jokes out there about customer service.. I've had horrible service too... But I've been doing this work for 20 years, and frankly I'm very good at it. It's an acting job really. Improv. One call there is a woman on the phone whose son just died, the next call a young woman is calling to change her name because she just got married.. you need to keep up with the emotions of the caller. Not everyone is made for this job, and many, many reps are there for 6 months to a year before they just walk out. True story.

Today however, I am not at work because I have a bad chest cold that caused me to have laryngitis. The only way to treat this is to shut up. Do not speak, do not yell at the children (nasty looks and a coach's whistle are what I resort to for scolding...) Lots of hot beverages to soothe your voice box, and with any luck.. peace and quiet. Once your voice box has been damaged, it will react quickly and swell up to protect itself from more damage.. one of the most reactive muscles of your body. This is why, when I get a chest cold.. I always end up silent.. It almost kills me, every time.

Today however I am going to be working on crafting. I have this huge list of things that need my attention. Some big projects, some small.. The list is on my dry wipe wall.. see?

I may try to get some of the little things done.. like "fix Monica's slipper", that wouldn't take long. I am, however in a race to finish a baby blanket for the neighbor lady, who is expecting a baby girl after 3 boys... here it is so far.. And yes, there is a cat underneath it, who can find a surface in my house not used by a cat?

Here is a bit of a close up on the pattern.. If you want it Joan let me know.. I'll mail you a copy. Wait until you see it done.. It has a fancy lacy edge too.. I have 3 little girls to make gifts for, so I may do another of these too.. frankly I started this yesterday morning. It goes quickly.

And then, last but not least, and as comedic relief.. I finished a dog coat for a friend of mine. I'd never done such a thing before, and wanted to make sure that it would work.. So I grabbed someone close to size and tried it on him..

I know that it was not kind.. and he was not amused.. in the royal sense of the word. But the family got a really big laugh out of this. And hey.. it fit, so another success.

A few pictures of the family

2010-12-30T21:20:00.001-08:00

I recently had pictures taken of the family.. The last time pictures were taken of the whole family was 10 years ago.. or so. Picture taking can be a chore with my guys, but I found an amazing photographer.. Look at these amazing shots...

The whole family.

Dad and the boys.. great shot!

Mom and the boys.. You know.. what we really look like all the time.

Sam, at nearly 14, and looking so much more like a man than a boy. (sniff, sniff)

And Ben, so sweet and glorious. His face already manly.

And finally a picture of the boys at their best...

Back from Never, Never Blog Land

2010-12-26T18:22:00.000-08:00

It's not that I don't love you all... it's not that I haven't thought of you since September, and the felling of the tree, and I probably could have jumped on the computer in the last (gulp) 3 months, but I had serious training for a new position at work (I LOVE IT!) and of course the everyday, everything that comes with motherhood, a crazy attempt to learn the violin, keeping my sanity with knitting, and a full time job. The housework is still on the back burner.. screw it. You know I keep wanting to start a new years resolution of getting an organized life.. work, coming home to be the homework Nazi, spending 30 minutes (several hours would be better) cleaning house, getting dinner started, practicing the violin for 40 minutes to an hour daily, finishing the dishes, getting the kids ready for bed, getting to bed at a decent hour and getting up refreshed and feeling in control of my life. Go ahead.. laugh at my pipe dream. I do.. I cannot tell you how much I admire the women I know that do this.. I know them, I marvel at them. The more years I go through, the more I am willing to concede that this is just not possible for me.. I am a true Aquarian, I am an artist who gets lost for hours in one project.. I start to feel my fingers hurt when playing the violin and realize I've been at it for 2 hours. Ahh Well.. I'll likely try again this year. I'm stubborn.

In the mean time, I thought I'd show you the newest projects that I've finished...

This is this year's cardigan.. Aran, Peruvian Wool.. very warm, and it took forever..

I really love it. It gets a lot of attention and I'm

okay with that.. After this I need some instant gratification projects. This is really a trend for me. I think I buy most of my sock yarn stash during the few weeks after a big project is done.

Now the little grey sweater is a new baby sweater.. no pattern, I just know how to do a sweater, in the round and cut down the middle now.. I have gained a great deal of satisfaction from that. And those of you out there with new little grandchildren.. I know you will love this little cardigan.. I think it's about a 6 month size.

The inside is lined it with a little black velvet ribbon.. Classic.

Last.. not least, I made some hats for my nieces Kaelie and Callie (identical twins.. different likes.. love those girls) and for Ben who did not want to be left out of the fun.. the knitting was not a big deal, but they all picked out the colors, and we dyed the wool. I was pleased with their choices.. Ben is the blue and red striped. Kaelie wanted the blues, and Callie the greens,browns, and golds.

I will say that I tried to get every comment next to the individual pictures, but the blog gods are angry with my absence so..

Now, let's see if I can be better this time. I have just had some pictures done of the whole family and I hope to do a post that has some of the photos.. they are magnificent.. really, really good. I won't say tomorrow.. but let us say soon..

The end of the tree

2010-09-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

This is mostly a picture moment.. so I'm going to show the moment to you in pictures.. however I must say that the men who did this job today were amazing. They were very skilled and smiled and worked together well. They arrived at 8:30ish in the am and were done right after 11:00 am. I miss my tree, and yes Pam, I cried. On the other hand the amount of light that is in my house is exponentially greater, there is sky behind my house. I will be sending these pictures off to Northwest Tree service.. I have even more really good pictures and I think that they would like them. They certainly deserve them. Quite a morning...

Stitch Markers.. and the Joy they bring.

2010-09-13T16:05:00.001-07:00

Joan just sent me her stitch markers that she made.. beautiful!

Now apparently the all purple/pink were made by her sister in law and are really pretty.. they are light, they are set with earring hoop thingies (technical knitting term for you muggles out there) which I really like because you can open them up and put them on your knitting at anytime, without knitting around until you are at the perfect point in the round.

Joan's are made with glass beads (I'm drooling all over the things!) they are heavier, but not too heavy at all.. I really like the weight of them. Joan used the lobster claw doohickeys, (another technical term, you're learning all kinds of things today!)
Joan's are the ones on the left hand side. Her sister in law's markers are on the right.(I never actually got her name with this so, I'm sorry Joan's sister in law, I would give credit if I could!)

Both of these markers are wonderful and serviceable.. I kinda want to combine them though.. I want the earring hoop thingies combined with the glass beads that Joan has done here, because I find that I cannot use Joan's markers over a 6 needle.. and I'm going to want to use these all of the time! The hoop thingy can be used up to a 10.5 needle. I tell ya.. Joan's markers are now my permanent Sock markers.. and I will be using the not yet named sister in laws markers for those sleeves for my sweater (they are on a size 10 needle.. )

Can you see the little pink and green beads on the left... this is so delicate in real life.. I'm really sorry that photography is not my medium today...

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies.. there is nothing so cool to me than getting new tools for your obsession. Especially handmade tools that I did not have to
a. make
b. buy
I love them both!

Sweet Gum Rollercoaster..

2010-09-11T15:33:00.000-07:00

Well the end of the tree thingy is that she has to come down. BLAH!

Two other experts said that the joinings are weak on this sort of tree and that the limbs are just going to keep coming down. You see the tree is really, really big.

This is a picture from the front of my little house.. the tree in the back, in the middle.. that's the one in the back yard.

This next one shows how much of the back yard is covered in tree. And our neighbor's roof is right on the other side of the play structure. So two houses and 7 (soon to be eight) children and 3 dogs and 3 cats at risk here.. Not counting the adults.

But she is so beautiful, and her colors in the fall are second to none in all of the neighborhood. We won't get pictures of this, as we will be taking her down as soon as the tree crew can fit us in. Right now the kids have been told the back yard is off limits, and that is just sad. I may have to spend some time in my swing, just to say goodbye (Lord help me, that just brought tears to my eyes. It really did.) I told the boys that we will build something to hold the swing (I need it man!) until the new tree that we plant gets big enough for it. We won't be able to plant until next spring at least, as the crew won't grind the stump until then.

I don't even know how to end this post. I am not really torn about this. It has to come down, we are so lucky that no one has been hurt.

However, it feels a lot like "Your arm has to come off.. that or you die" and that is just not news anyone wants to deal with. I'm wondering if I will have phantom pains for my tree.

Pictures. and tree update...

2010-09-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

So I thought I'd update again.. got a few pictures for you.. (and I really hate pictures of myself so I'm biting the bullet to post these.. vain as I am. )

Here is me trying not to scratch with my bow.. see me biting my lip?

Then there are the others in my household that are happy with my new passion...

Me in my newest finished sweater.. cotton, summer hoodie. (reversible, zipper up the front. ) I've been living in it.

Here is the newest sweater I'm working on.. a lace aran. Hard to see I know, but I'm really pleased so far.

Here are the very start of the sleeves, two at a time on cable needles. And clearly lacking really cool stitch markers to keep track of my increase place.

As for the tree news, we had an expert out today and they said that this tree can be saved.. that even it we cut it all off at the point of the break, our tree would grow back.. 6 feet in one year! By the end of next week, we will have this done! I cannot have another winter of wind, rain and worry. I do not want limbs falling on our children. We will be getting a couple of different bids and opinions, whether to lop it off at the break or trim it back drastically but keep some of the height. (I kind of like that idea) But we get to keep the tree!!!

Stormy Weather..

2010-09-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

Big storm last night.. Big! Lots of rain, (nothing new for us.. this is Oregon.) but at about 7:45 PM (ish) there was a loud CRACK! and lo! a big branch from my swingin' tree fell into our house and shed.

That is right on top of John and I's bedroom window. No broken window, no roof damage! Yeah! No children outside in the swing (although Sam was swinging in it an hour before) no animals underneath the limb.

Look at that! One of the main limbs off of my beautiful Sweet Gum.

The gutter is the only real casualty and we will have to replace that soon (this weekend) .. remember, this is Oregon, one does not go without gutters.

This is what is left of my tree.. I'm nervous, we have to have someone come out and let us know if the tree itself must come down. I would be a sad, sad, sad lady if it does, but I will not risk house, or most especially life for the love of my tree..

The real problem .. I have a young teenager who has gone decidedly panicked over the possibility of losing a mainstay of his life.. he doesn't even know that the tree may have to come down yet. I do not want to tell him. I don't even want to tell myself.

A not so quick update...

2010-09-04T09:36:00.000-07:00

Yep.. Still here.

Just wanted to let you all know. I've been stinking busy with all four kids almost daily, and of course there is work nearly everyday. (this does not include the housework, just leaving to get paid to do a job outside of home)

The summer has flown by though and there have been great changes.

The first big one you know, I started playing the violin. That is going to be a constant in my life from now on. I cannot believe that I did not do this earlier, what I have been missing! For those of you who do not know me well, I'll let you in on a little secret.. I sing. I sing a lot, and if I say so myself, I sing really well. I have been doing this all of my life. I was singing harmony to my mother when I was 2-3 years old (her story, not mine) When I was 10 I started playing the guitar. This was the 70's and I really just learned cords to accompany my singing. I never learned to play individual notes.. or to "pick" if you will. I sang in College.. Opera if you can believe it. I've sang in Churches all my life. The point here is that music is a constant for me, a never ending, everyday, background, flowing constant. AND I COMPLETELY STOPPED LEARNING NEW THINGS ABOUT MUSIC! DUH!

This is really the first time I have ever had to learn to read music.. before, I hear it once, maybe twice, I sing it. No problem, and I usually never forget it...Now, I have to learn what these notes mean, and how my fingers need to move to produce these sounds. Boy, do I have some clunkers in me! I also have some soaring, heart expanding sounds that come out.

I'm finding that my fingers are trying to find the notes on the fret when I am at the grocery store (Mom told me I did the same thing when learning the guitar.. I'm sure I did)

I'm listening to Bluegrass, and Celtic fiddling. Lots of Nickelcreek, but also Bond.. amazing talents, stuff to aspire to. Of course while I'm screwing up my scales I lament that I will never be there. (Thank God that John reminds me that this is a long term project and that I've only been doing this for 12 weeks.)

The point is that I ignored a huge part of who I am as a person for a very long time because I was too busy, or too whatever excuse there is, and I suffered for it. I was not nearly as happy as I am now. It seems the silliest little thing, but really, even if every note I play that day is just crap, I still walk away feeling heart-full. I walk away singing, my head full of music..

Don't worry.. knitting is still one of my babies.. I finished a summer sweater (what I call my Jedi sweater) and I am working on my new winter sweater (cable and lace... really nice aran!) and I have another winter sweater that I will do immediately after the cable and lace. It's a hoodie, a lovely green elfin "Lord of the rings" hoodie that I must, MUST have.

Oregonians need hoodies, because we never carry umbrellas... actually that's how we know that you're a tourist, you're carrying an umbrella.. really. I mean it.

I'll try to post pictures of the new sweaters tomorrow, or Sunday.

Also, I just got a new position at work that I am very excited about, I start training for this in October. I won't really get into it, but this is all new stuff to our site and I get to be one of the first 15 to learn it. I am, frankly, deeply honored that I am among the first, and it is a huge blessing to be growing and learning new things at work too.

Now to the children.. School starts again this next week for us, and Ben will be in the 4th grade, and is kinda ready to get back. I am really excited about getting him started on a musical instrument this year. Of the two boys, Ben is the one that walks around singing, interested in what I do on the violin, unconsciously singing the scales after I've played them. Yep, it's time to let him explore what instrument calls to him.

Sam is happily ready for school to start, he is ready for the structure (we run an Aquarian, artsy, fartsy household, I'm sorry to say) he is ready to be back with his friends and doing new things.. I will be talking to his teacher about the possibility of keyboarding for him (they have one in the classroom, and he has expressed an interest)

The girls are home schooled, but I know that they will be sent over with homework if their work isn't finished, soooo homework x 4...

I am also still wishing a had a spotless and organized household (snort. Like that will ever happen. See artsy, fartsy above)

If I write more, your brains may explode. I cannot risk your health for my own release.

See what happens when you post once a month... geesh.

Swinging in a tree

2010-07-28T17:26:00.000-07:00

You know? I've never grown out of my need for a good swing. Not the dance type, but little kid swinging. Of course this is really hard to do on a little kid swing set, and even when we upgraded to the really cool wooden structure with swings, (that I help build, thankyouverymuch) I wasn't able to really swing the freeing good swing I crave.

My husband, John, he really loves me.

A lot.

So several years ago we bought a hammock swing and my loving husband installed it into our sweet gum maple tree.

I LOVE my swing, but of course, it became absolutely everyone's favorite swing.. I have seen several kids on that swing at the same time. Finding time to go to my swing is really hard, but I try to get out in the back yard when I can.

My swing's looking a little worse for wear. My garden is a box full of weeds, my house is not perfectly clean,(not even close) and frankly, although my laundry was done to the last stitch of dirty clothes Saturday, there is now at least 5 more loads to do.

But oh! Just a few minutes of time under that tree!

Lookie, Look! See what I see when I swing under my tree! (wish the photography was better, but I think you get the idea!)

A trip back east.

2010-07-23T08:44:00.001-07:00

A trip back to Eastern Oregon, that is.. that's a good eight hours east traveling in a car with the whole family and a dog... really, that's east enough for me. This time the whole family got to go out and see Grandpa and Grandma, and it was much warmer! See this is what Dad's place looks like in the summer..

The high desert is a beautiful place. In the bottom picture are the foothills of the Blue Mountains.. just without the snow this time. Dad and the boys spent some time four wheeling. The boys are just starting to learn how, and neither one of them will be doing it alone, Sam from over cautiousness, Ben because, (as my father said) he has no sense of danger.... (this is so true, not only would he not be afraid of a dragon in his path, he would absently pat it's head as he walked past it and comment on it's lovely coloring.) Not because he has no fear, but because he would not realize there is anything to fear. (Mother sighs deeply, shakes her head and mutters "Bloody Wolverine.")
Ben was Dad's shadow while he was out there, anywhere in the desert Dad was going, Ben was tagging along. If it was outside, and with Grandpa, he was there. They both loved it, but it tired them both, we got home Wednesday, and Ben spent the day needing "alone time". I think that he would live out there full time if he had the chance.
Sam was happy to see everyone, but was not at home. If the whole world could just come to him, in his own space, he would be pretty comfortable to visit. In this Sam and Grandpa are just alike. This is why we go to visit Grandpa, and not the other way around.... Sam loved seeing everyone, but was very ready to get home to his own room and his own routine. He handled being away from everything much better than he used to. He does, happily, go through the uncomfortable sensation of being away from home to see Grandpa and Grandma, he loves and misses them.

Here are Grandpa and the boys. Grandma had gone to work before I pulled out my camera, otherwise I'd have Marcie right there with them.

Here is Grandpa, the boys and Mr. Meta. (that would be short for Metamorphosis, Dad's sense of humor is as warped as my own.) That tortoise is 45 years old, and just in the prime of his life. He is a favorite attraction for anyone that visits Dad.

Lastly, here is a picture of myself and Dad. My heart always aches when I leave. It doesn't matter how long I get to visit, or how pleasant it's been (and it was lovely) it's never enough time.

Hobbies, or ways that our children are allowed to reach maturity

2010-07-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

So first of all, it occurred to me that I have not taken pictures of knitting for a while. I do not want to misled anyone into thinking that just because I have started to torture my children with my violin practice, that I have stopped playing with yarn... it just ain't so. (I would never say the word ain't, but it looks so right there in that sentence.) Anywho, so remember when I said last summer that my goal was to wear only my own knitted socks this winter? Well, I was successful. I had the most comfortably warm feet all winter long. I have more than enough pairs, but I cannot stop. I have a red "flame" pair that I'm working on now.. Here are some of the newer socks..

It's hard to see the colors as they are on the computer, but you get the idea.

I'm going to have to do a pink pair after the red, or repair the pink pair I have (or both) as the cabled pair that I did 2 years ago is starting to wear thin. Now think about that for a moment. This is one of my favorite pair of socks, and I've worn them a lot. I knit them the summer I broke my shoulder, which was 2008. These socks are just starting to wear thin. That means that these socks were built to last sister!

Now I count 15 pair here, and I have one on the needles now. The two on the bottom I don't wear much, the blue and red pair is a really thick boot sock (I need to make more of these, I have the yarn, I'll do them before winter this year to wear with my boots....of course!)
It's a crazy obsession... I just can't stop. Luckily, I don't have to.

Now I'm not just knitting socks, I have a cotton hoodie sweater that I'm knitting/designing and I have just one sleeve and the hood to go. Then I have another summer sweater to make. THEN, I have the perfect pattern for a darling winter hoodie that is just all classic lines. My neighbor, Marla and I are both going to make this one. We went to the yarn store, saw it on display, and Oh Boy!!

But a lot of the time that I would be spending knitting has gone into violin practice, so the projects are moving slower than they normally would. On the other hand I can actually play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and This Old Man on the violin, and scales.. lots and lots and lots of scales. I play scales so often apparently, that Sam said to me yesterday while I was playing them, "Hey mom, I recognize that song." geesh.

Don't get the idea that I play them well yet, they sound as laborious as they are played but I am loving every (nearly) minute of the time I spend trying.

Just as an aside, Pam, if you haven't already seen the show, you really need to check out "Big Bang Theory" this is like having a camera in my house 10 years from now, except that the exclamatoins of "My Seat!" happen now. This is Asperger's 101, in it's funniest form. We have the 1st two seasons on DVD and have been watching marathons of the show...

Wolverine's Birthday

2010-07-03T04:40:00.000-07:00

So today at 1:12 pm, that is 13:12 for you military people, 10 years ago I gave birth to my youngest son, Ben. He has always been my sober child, but he still knows how to laugh. Actually both of my children could tend toward the brooding side of life, but my husband and I are too full of mischief and humor to let that happen overmuch. But when I say that my Ben is wolverine, what I mean is that he seems to have been re-incarnated from an old 1940's movie. The strong silent type that all the women wanted and the other men wish they could be.. you know. He is, even at 10, the one who prefers to be working with his hands, doing a job, outside if he can manage. I wish, often, that we were living in eastern Oregon with my family, as he would have so much more to be doing everyday, He would love it.

Ben's grin is infectious, really downright impish, irresistible. And, because he is surrounded by his slightly insane parents (actually just me on that one, John is very sane) his sense of humor is developing quite nicely. I think that he will be just as perfect a deadpan humorist as his father.. they both just have me rolling all of the time. (Sam is more like me, we're apt to howl at the moon as not. Good thing we have them to round us out. )

I have to work today, one of the draw backs to Ben having a birthday on July the 3rd, is that work does not want to give me time off the day before the holiday... no matter how long I've worked there, so .. I have to see him after his exact time of birth. Dang it.

Happy Birthday Ben, I was determined to have you, even right after Sam was born, not even an hour after, I told your father.. We're having one more! I knew you would be ours even then. Life would not be right without you!

A short trip to the coast, a missed birthday party, and the violin

2010-06-12T19:42:00.000-07:00

Today the family and I hopped into the Subaru Forrester and heading for the coast. This is an easy day trip for us, maybe an hour, maybe more depending on your shore of choice. This is the Pacific Northwest.. pick one. We normally head over to Seaside, which is the tourist trap beach, but it also happens to be the city that is home to many of our close friends, so we usually get to visit them when we go there. Today they were taking a art class final. Oh well.. I spent my time wading and looking out into the vastness of the Pacific Ocean (when I wasn't neurotically watching my boys to make sure that said ocean did not drag them away)

Where I really wanted to be today was my brother's surprise, but not anymore surprise Birthday party in Washington. There are several reasons that I couldn't be there, but it still sucked that I wasn't there. Ultimately I know that I would have been able to actually see him for all of like, 5 minutes, and then he would have had to entertain some more of the other people that had come to the party, and 4 hours up and 4 hours back with irritated children in the car would have been a drag, but if I had a transporter, I so would have shown up. I miss my little brother, and I love his little family, and sometimes it bugs me that my brothers and I are so far apart. Really we are all so busy with work and kids and everyday life that we almost never see each other. I miss them. (Except those times when my brothers are bratty! They can still be bratty in their 40's!)

I had some more practice time with my violin today, I'm getting better, the cats were in the room and NOT slinking. Even the darling husband said (with no little surprise, I might add)

"You don't sound bad!"

That really was nice. I was telling my friend, Heather, that I noticed as I was playing the last couple of days that I find myself pacing with the violin as I play, walking back and forth in the house, as if I was quieting an infant. It feels that familiar to me. Today while I was doing the open string exercises I found myself looking at the sheet music and not looking at the strings, and I was hitting all of the right notes. Of course, as soon as I realized that I was doing that, I got that 'Holy Crap, look at me!' thought, and I completely fumbled. Go figure.

Violin Lesson

2010-06-11T04:40:00.000-07:00

So I got the violin back from the very talented instrument doctor, and I was ready to start playing, except that I had no idea how. I have no time to leave the house after work, as I have 4 kiddos to look after and dinner to put on, and mounds... really MOUNDS of laundry at anytime, but I'm a determined lady.

So I hopped onto the Internet, and (although it goes against my principles, because it takes away money from local music teachers) I down loaded a basic program to learn the violin. Yesterday was the first lessons. How to hold the bow, the violin, and how to start to practice going from one string to another without sounding like a unrehearsed cat fight.

I didn't do too badly, the dog stayed in the room, and the kids all said it was cool, if uninteresting. When I started to explain "the seven plains of music" their eyes glazed over and they retreated to the garage to watch TV.

The cats however, kept slinking around the room in a crouched position looking back and forth wearily.

I'll be practicing this lesson again today, I think I need more clarity in my transition. Cool Huh?

Freaky Weather girl.

2010-06-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was beautiful, I think it hit 70 degrees. The kids were out playing in the sprinkler, all four of them, running in the yard.

And just as an aside, can I just say, that you know children feel like they are in their own home when you walk into your bathroom and find a pile of completely soaked clothes that were peeled off a body and left on the floor, pooling water around them. These were girly clothes... I really AM the 2nd mom.

Anywho, there has been this freaky stomach flu going around, and yesterday it was my turn...cool huh? Sunny, beautiful day, I'm inside wrapped in a blanket, shivering. Go figure. The point of all of this gibber-jabber is that about 3:00 pm, at the height of the wonder day we were having, my shoulder goes all wonky.. and I KNOW! I said to Asha as she walks in,

"Well, It's going to be raining tonight"

She looked back at the front door, saw no clouds at all and raised one eyebrow, (she does this so well... I'm so proud!) saying nothing, but her meaning was clear.

Well I was awoken several times last night to a raging, pouring maelstrom. It has got to be raining very hard to wake me, I've lived in Northwest Oregon all my life, rain is nothing to us. You can tell a tourist by their use of an umbrella. We all just wear hoods, or get wet.

So, I say that I have arrived, nearly two years since the shoulder incident, and I can tell you if rain is coming better than the professionals.. I can tell you if it is a cold snap, snow, giant storm, there is a difference.

A couple of weeks ago it felt like someone had re broken my shoulder, and I found out there was a tornado warning off the coast of Washington... I think that I should start looking for new job.

What in the world are you doing?

2010-05-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

Just in case you are all wondering.. My world changed a bit this spring. I have 4 children in the evening not 2. This tends to stir up your life a bit.

My best friend is now working a swing shift at the local hospital, and there was no better choice for the girls, but to be here. Trust me, this is not a hardship. These are my girls.. my adopted daughters. The daughters of my heart, if not my body.

The girls change the dynamics of the entire household. (This is a good thing)
My boys spend like 80-90 percent of their time outside playing now, not on the computer, or on video games.

Of course, I need to get used to comments like..

"I don't mean to tattle, but...."

followed with things like..

"Ben is running on the shed roof, and it's raining outside" , or "Sam just head butted Ben for no reason that I could understand" or
"Asha just laughed at me because I kept missing baskets, and it makes me really SAD!"

These are just not comments that come out of my son's mouths. Not ever.

But I also now have built in dancing partners. Throw on the new Miley Cyrus music on the Ipod, and we have a house full of dancing bodies.. (The boys shook their heads at us girls the first day we danced, but decided soon after that this was not so odious.)
Every now and then I get to sneak in some Beatles, or Santana..

The girls, Asha, who is 10 soon 11, and Given, who is 8 soon 9, have been a part of the family all of their lives, but it has been wonderful to give them all the time together, past just the couple of hours of visitation. They are all getting the full on Brother-Sister experience... I know all about this, I have 4 brothers.. grew up with 3. I'm starting to see the torture occur.

Here they are all together..Fish kisses and all.. looking at the front row, they look as if they are all genetically related.. They act like it, believe me.

Also for those who are curious, I have my violin at the violin doctors office, and should get it back in the next week or so. I'm looking forward to starting to learn. Even with the insanity that is the Kafooster household....

Wonderful, in a depressing sort of way.

2010-04-03T11:07:00.000-07:00

I have a long standing friend that has recently become a grandmother.. She is so very excited, and her new granddaughter is truly a real beauty. I love seeing the pictures of her, and of course, having watched her son grow, through all of his pictures, I can see how much this pretty little girl takes after her father.

Of course, grandchildren require knitting, I cannot let such a momentous occasion slip by without acknowledgement.. And frankly, I've know Ada for nearly 20 years now, and if I were going to knit for any child outside my immediate family, it would be a grandchild of hers.

SO.. here it is, bonnet and sweater. Now, I have to give out that I did not design this sweater, this was on the online mag "knitty". Add a dot com to that name, the design is called "Helena" and designed by Alison Green Will. I have knit it several times for very special little girls.. I did change this up by using ribbon instead of I cords, and I "laced" the ribbon through little button hole for finishing. (I thought I was rather clever doing that.. I'm pretty proud of that detail)

Ada recently told me that she reads the blog sometimes, I had no idea.. anywho, if she's milling about this weekend, she is going to get a sneak peek at what is coming into her hands on Monday morning..

Here's the detail I was talking about... see how the little ribbon goes through the edging.. I did that last night and was so engrossed in the process that I looked up and it was after midnight, (I got up at 4:00 am, so I was really into this project, ya know?)

So here is the kind of depressing thing about all of this, my friends, and they are my age, are having grand kids. I don't begrudge them this joy. I know that I was nearly 30 before I had my first child, and this will slow down my own grand parentage, however, I just don't feel old enough to be a grandma, but clearly.. I am. All I can say to that is ... wow. Clearly though, (at least from the shining joy on the face of my friend Ada) the child itself erases the trepidation felt from the grandmother status.

Random thoughts..

2010-03-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

1. Why is my house, never, ever clean?

2. Wanting it clean, and having it clean is not the same thing, ever.

3. Cleaning my house will take a re-dedication to my sisterhood of the "fly lady" and I have no choice but to start all over again.

4. Sam's room will require a call to HAZMAT. I hope that they can respond quickly, I fear for his life.

5. This re-dedication leaves very little time for yarn, this could (WILL) effect the quality of life for those I live with.

6. When you shave under one arm and forget to shave the other side, you start to question your sanity.

Marcie's Socks.. and a tree

2010-03-19T16:03:00.000-07:00

Well... Marcie's socks are done, and they are beautiful! I'm not just saying that because I am the arteest that knitted them.. I am saying that because they ARE beautiful.. and frankly reversible.. really, look at how cool these things look inside-in vs. inside out

As you can see, it is a fantastic day outside, Springy, SPRINGY spring time! And frankly, it's Friday, and I don't have to work this weekend, and although the laundry is calling my name, and I still have not figured out what in the whole wide world I am making for dinner tonight, I am about as happy as a mother is meant to be... Stay tuned, this coming week is spring break for the boys.. I very well may be singing a different tune one week from now. (or 4 days).

BUT, for today..

With this springy wonderful weather, I went out and bought a couple of apple trees about two weeks ago, and they are doing very well. As a matter of fact, the Pink Lady tree has just TODAY showed me her very first blossoms, they are just peeking out now..

see..

There are like, five blossoms in that one little sprig of leaves.. yeah, I know, I see that sock peeking under there. I was such a pretty day, I couldn't just leave the poor thing inside..

As a matter of fact, here are just a few more gratuitous sock shots..

My work here is done.. time to cast on another pair. Marcie, they're on their way!

Time for another homework assignment.

2010-03-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

Why does my son not get it? Why does he have to procrastinate on a project because he doesn't have a starting sentence? When will he learn that working together can have us both laughing, and make the work go faster.. and frankly that we can do it over a weeks time instead of one, long, grueling night (God save me)
Picture this.. we are a piece of Corn, on an adventure down the wondrous world of the human digestive system...

Sam and I are quite a team.. here it is.

My name is Brutus. I am a rare piece of gnome corn. This is the captain’s log of my five stage mission, to explore the complex human digestive system. First I shall be boiled, and then buttered, then, as the pins are stuck into my sides, I will scream like a little girl.
When I entered what the locals call “the mouth”, it was dark and colder than I was, and there were puddles of an odd substance that seemed to break apart the butter that surrounded me. Then I was being mauled by giant, white, crushing pillars. Before I was crushed underneath the column of white, a big pink snake swiped me aside, and I was thrown down a tunnel.
Captain’s gullet date 10: it is dark, the murky walls around me glisten with the same puddle substance I encountered in the area above. The enclosure threatened to squash me, so I plummeted downward into a spiral. Suddenly I was surrounded by a large waterfall that set me into motion towards vast pit of boiling acid. (Dun, dun, daa)
Captain’s abdomen date 10: I crashed down into a boiling pit of acid and although nothing seemed to harm me, other things such as pieces of bread and red disk like substances were melting away. I waited for about half an hour and suddenly I was plunged into a small tunnel.
Captain’s duodenum date 10: I was being flushed down with a ton of liquidy substance that I had seen in the pit of boiling acid, when suddenly I was elevated to the top of said substance and was being carried along like a theme park water slide. I was flowing along at incredible speeds. I traveled so fast, I almost wet my trousers, the tunnel seemed to widen rapidly.
Captain’s colon date 10: As I gushed through the rapids I seemed to be gradually slowing down. The fluid beneath me began to rapidly disintegrate, and I spotted a large brown object where the solution had vanished. From here on out I walked alone through the large tunnel. After about 20 minutes I found myself slipping and falling, coming closer and closer to that same brown object that seemed to be making its way slowly along the tunnel as well.
There was a mysterious, overwhelming force that was pushing the brown object towards me. I could not hold this burden back, and I was compelled forward by this massive load. Suddenly I saw light, and knew that I was at the end of my perilous journey. I had touch down in a yellow sea.
It was messy, it was smelly, but I was free.

Creative parenting

2010-03-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

We've discussed Asperger's right? We've gone over special techniques used to work with rages? .. well maybe not, but that's not important now. What we have probably not gone over is the fact that children whose brains are hard wired differently, are still children, and they still really get on their mother's last nerve. Especially when their mother is having a deep and meaningful discussion with her minister, on the phone, and said children will not quit wrestling in the house. Even after several highly excused "OI!"'s yelled at them to stop horsing around in the house.

So I think that you will agree, that instead of bringing out the "fatal beatings" bat that I keep in the closet for just these kind of occasions, that it was a far, far better thing that I did when I filled up the nearest spray bottle, and proceeded to treat them like the cats digging in the house plants.

When I came around the corner, and caught them wrestling again.... well, let's just say they split apart pretty quickly. And Bless them, they did it laughing.

Book Worms

2010-03-04T18:06:00.000-08:00

Every now and then I get a wild hair up in a place that has no need for wild hairs, and I decide that I am going to "just make a quick..." for one person or another.. and when I was in Ben's IEP this last month, his Special Ed coordinator mentioned his bookmark.. a "bookworm" that I had made for the boys, and my god daughters a couple of years ago. Ben is starting to use his on his chapter books (We are so very proud of this! Ben has worked super hard at his reading!)

So I think.. no big deal, I can make one for her and his teacher..
Then comes the wild hair thingy.
I think, these are so fast, I could make one for everyone in Ben's class.. they are all reading chapter books now, 3rd grade is a great time for them to get their own book markers. Right?

Well, then I thought, if I have extra, I can give some to the Special Ed teacher, and she can pass some out to the little ones who have to work extra hard..as an incentive, right?

So I thought that if I make 40 that would be good.. 25 for the kids in Ben's class, Oh but I did one for his teacher, then one for Mrs. Gary (the special Ed teacher) and then two of the people I work with went gaga, and I gave one to them each... so I was up to 44 then my mom saw the little "camoworm" and took one for my dad's bookmark, so I had to do another, 45... Then Ben said he wanted a new one. 46. Then, I admit that I had to have a new one for myself, because the yarn was so very soft.. and pink. 47.

And they look like this..

Here's the real rub.. just when I think that I'm done.. no more to do and I'm putting away the scrap yarn and the googley-eyes? Sam comes along and says.. "Hey, the kids in my class want some of those too.. they keep asking if they can have one like mine, I just forgot to tell you"

So if there are 14 kids in his class, and one teacher, 4 or 5 aids..... 25 more? just to be sure?

And before you ask Joan, here is the pattern if you don't already have it, because I have it ingrained into my brain for all time...

Book worm

chain 20, 2dc in 4th chain from hook
3dc in each chain until end
chain 35 (if big yarn) 40 for worsted (or whatever length you want for your actual book size)
chain 15 , 2dc in 4th chain from hook
3dc in next 14 chains. finish off
glue googley-eyes on ... not the same without the eyes.. never forget this!!

Friday night.. let the party begin.

2010-02-19T17:01:00.000-08:00

Tonight promises to be amazing!

Am I watching the Olympics? No.

Am I going to a great movie with the kiddos? No.

Am I going out on a hot date with my best friend and husband? No.

I get to bleach my walls tonight!

And if I'm really quick, I can clean the little trays in my windows too.

Man, I really know how to have a goooood tme.

Loving the craft

2010-02-18T20:46:00.000-08:00

When I was at my dad's and Marcie's house in January, Marcie and I talked socks. This is nothing new, Marcie and I have a similar fiber love, and we both love wool socks.. Now, I love how Marcie gets into the socks, like I do, she will feel the texture of the yarn, the feel of the stitch pattern. Marcie speaks my language. So while I was there I measured her feet and told her that I would get around to making a pair of socks, just for her feet.

I must admit though, before I started with hers, I had promised myself the working of a ball of sock yarn that had screamed my name... These, as a matter of fact.

They went so quickly! They were not meant to match.. the yarn doesn't work that way, but I understand from my Goddaughters that un-matching socks are so "in" right now.

These went so quickly that I am already starting on the heels of Marcie's socks.. see right here..

Now don't those just look amazing? I cannot wait to get started on the heels tomorrow, once those heels are done, it's a straight shot right to the top! Easy-peasy!

Hey Marcie, are you as excited as I am?

Random photos from Dad's house.

2010-02-10T15:22:00.000-08:00

When I went to my dad's house for my Grandma's funeral, my husband asked me to take some winter pictures.

My dad, Rick, and his wonderful wife, Marcie, live in Brogan, Oregon. This is a very, very small town in the high desert of Eastern Oregon, right on the foothills of the Blue Mountains. So far east, that they border Idaho. My little family and I miss being there, and I had never been there in the winter, at least not for any of my adult years.

So, John wanted pictures of the "homestead" as my dad calls it. Forgive me the quality, they were taken with the phone camera, but you'll get the idea..

This is looking off the porch in the back of the house straight at those Blue Mountain Foothills I was talking about.

This is off to the right hand side of the back end, and you can see the little couch that dad sits on in the morning (and afternoon, and evening) while he drinks his coffee.

This is looking off to the left side where you see the work sheds and the area for the garden.. and some cool stuff on the deck, like rocks and stuff that my dad always has around. I used to tell him that he decorates his house in early cave. He still does, and I love it!

And this picture is for John, this is the couch that he has adopted as his own while we visit, this is his early morning coffee perch, or an afternoon nap time lounger.

At my dad's house, time seems to stretch out before you like the desert, or like those mountains, but I never seem to have enough of it there.

Sarcastic Personal Trainers.

2010-02-08T18:04:00.001-08:00

Today is the first day to try to start to regain some semblance of a maybe schedule for taking care of my diet and exercise.. I'm so committed.

The thing is that I use the Wii Fit Plus. It has a little cartoon character personal trainer, (that I do not pay for by the session!) that switches up my workouts for me, you know step aerobics..

See here I am (That's DH's Mii profile to my right, Sam's to the left.. it's random, the person to the far left has a shark's head..)

I'm the step aerobics MASTER in this house.. Although Ben is a real serious second.. he's very good at it, and he just kills me in the Rhythm Parade.

Then as a "waist" exercise I get to Hula Hoop... and it really burns by the time they let you off the hook. Really, you're standing on the little balance board, you gotta keep moving!

(Ben pointed out that his Mii is to the right here)

But look! I did just fine! (Sam always hits this one out of the park!)

I get a lot of "encouragement" in the form of ..

"All right! Mom got hit on the head with the Hula Hoop!"

Of course the real teeth gritting issue with the Wii is that when you get on the balance board, and you haven't got a perfect frame it will reflect it in your Mii character.

I ask you, is that even right? In any stretch of the imagination? And if I am looking at my calender for any length of time, my Mii character tries to look at her own butt.

Like, "Does this video game make my butt look big?"

Just don't answer that.....

Yet another reason to love Grandma Alice.

2010-01-31T17:42:00.000-08:00

In our last episode, I let you all know that Grandma Alice had passed. (It's a Southern saying.. deal with it) Well, I got back from Eastern Oregon this weekend and had quite a story to tell. There were actually many stories, as I got to see many of my cousins, Aunts, Uncles and of course my dad, but there was one story that would have tickled my Grandma, so I'm going to share it.

The funeral was led by the current Catholic Priest there, he is from Sri Lanka. According to my father, the priests are brought in from other places now, hard to find enough home bred Priests I suppose. There has been an Irish Priest in the last couple of years, the last Father was from Nigeria, but now, the Father is from Sri Lanka.

Any who, Grandma Alice, being who she was, decided that she wanted her nieces and nephew to sing at her funeral and asked them to do so before she died, Amazing Grace, I walk in the Garden, etc. She also asked them to sing a yodeling song. yep. Yodel.

Now, apparently my dad's cousins warned her before she died that the one song that they know together involves a young woman who loves her man a great deal, except that every time they make love, he yells like Tarzan, and then proceeds to yodel.

I'm going to give you a minute, just to let that sink in.

Grandma said, "Perfect!"

The Father, (having no idea that this was about to take place) called for the last song to be sung, and gently, sat down.

The song commenced.. with a warning to the audience I must add.

There was a great deal of inappropriate, bawdy laughter throughout the song, and huge (and very well deserved) applause after it.

But what had me giggling then, and my dad and I laughing out loud the next day, was the absolute, abject horror on the face of the priest as he slowly stood up and looked out on the audience of at least 150 people, who were still laughing, and applauding.

"Let us then, pray for our Sister, Alice......"

I bet she was in stitches...

How it effects us.

2010-01-25T08:24:00.000-08:00

So all of you know that I went to see my grandma last month, because she was doing poorly, and that she really rallied and seemed to be doing really well, and she was. However her blood gases started going off again, her CO2 was too high, and she fell out of a chair and broke some bones and well, it was pretty much over then. Alice Coleman, my grandmother died on Thursday about 7:45 pm MST. The whole family knew in no time, apparently my cousins Twitter... who knew?

I went to work on Friday, and I think a lot of my co workers were shocked. I had to tell my boss (nice lady.. very classy) that I needed to arrange some time off to go to the funeral and they overheard. The thing is that it hadn't hit me yet, I just couldn't deal with it.

So this weekend, I've been a cleaning machine, and on Sunday, John took the boys and left the house to my manic ministrations, and I just lost it. Huge wrenching sobs that I could not control. It was like this amazing dam that I had felt, but was unable to let loose. I have been weeping ever since, anytime there is any quiet, and it is disturbing to me. I know that I feel so much better than I would, because I went to see her, and Grandma and I had some really great conversations while I was there. You know, those 3:00am conversations, when you talk about anything? But Grandma Alice was the definite matriarch of this family. There is a gap.

Now, on the other side of that coin, Grandma Alice was really ready to move on. She was done with this life, and confident of the next. She had been having dreams of loved ones coming to speak to her, to tell her that soon, she would be with them. She had one dream of my grandfather coming to her and saying that he was building her a cabin, and as soon as the roof was on, he would come to get her.

This really comforted her, she was excited to be with Grandpa Tony, and really excited to be with her best friend, and sister, my Aunt Goody. (Viola, really, but she hated that name and only went by Goody) They were inseparable in life, and the separation in death that left Grandma here without her was arguably the most painful part of my Grandma's life.

I'm glad that the roof is finished, that Grandma is happy, and best of all, pain free.

But, I have an empty hole right in the middle of me, I know that time will dull the pain, but not erase the hole.

I wonder at the strength of human beings, that we continue to walk, and breathe, and most of all love so fiercely while we, at the same time, become a collection of holes.

Little projects, and a early birthday present

2010-01-20T15:21:00.001-08:00

After Christmas knitting and the sweater, I needed some fast and frankly, instant gratification projects. (I really should have taken photos of the Christmas knitting, including my favorite gift that I gave this year, which was a fancy, smancy, lacy scarf for my bestest friend.. Maybe she'll model for us. )

So, I realized that my felted slippers were finally, after more than three years, showing signs of wear (getting holes my friends), hence, new slippers for momma!

These are thick, wonderfully warm and easy! You knit a really, really big sock, then stick it in the washer until it fits your foot... Then, instead of rolling the top as the pattern calls for, I attach a hook (or in this case a baby overall bib connector thingy) and fold it over to fully cover the top of my feet.

I'm making another pair for work.. (It really gets cold in those call centers folks, we all have blankets at our desks and for us desperately cold people, slippers under them.)
Anyway, you can see how much bigger the slippers are to start with, I haven't even gotten to the heel yet. This is a GREAT way to start socks, you get a feel for the process, but you get instant gratification, and the fulling process hides your mistakes. And who can resist warm, cozy slippers?

Now, also, my wonderful husband is an auction kind of guy, and he ran across my birthday present, (It's February, so it's not too early really) and it has a beautiful sound.. check it out!

It is older, it was serviced in 1965, in San Francisco according to a sticker inside. It also has a Stradivarius sticker inside, which was common in the 1800's, so we don't know how old, exactly, it is. I will be getting it restrung, but really the sound is amazing, and I am looking forward to starting all of the wonder of violin!

Proud Cloud

2010-01-12T15:18:00.000-08:00

You know when you walk into your house and see this...

That you will walk around a corner and see this...

Which means that you will also very soon see something like this...

Him is such a proud kittens him is...

The bird count in the house is now up to 12. We have saved 4 of these. I was a little too late for today's birdie.

And just in case you were wondering..

The Game is still afoot.

Weekend Cat blogging

2010-01-01T10:30:00.000-08:00

Fedd loves crafts.. especially ones that create boxes.. Like this box made for me by my sister-in-law to collect mail.. or cats.

This is for weekend cat blogging being held at the amazingly wonderful blog www.sidewalkshoes.blogspot.com check it out!

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T09:32:00.000-08:00

2010 Who'da thunk it... What a very long year the Kafooster family has had. 2009 started with a surgery in February, and ended with an emergency in December and there was all kinds of wonderful, and yuck in between. There didn't seem to be a lot of just nice and easy anywhere in the year.

Although there has been many, many difficult changes this year, there are so many things that I am so very grateful for.

Sam has really grown and matured, he is gaining a subtlety of mind that I am increasingly impressed with. He is learning to take breaks away from that which annoys (or really upsets) him without prompting. He collects himself and rejoins the group with a sense of humor instead of a rage. Those of you who know Asperger's will be impressed, those of you who do not, just understand, that if I can teach anything to my children to insure their success in this world, this is one of the most important. And he is not quite 13. I am immensely proud.

Ben is also really maturing, just a few post ago he was at that "I know! I know!" stage, but he seems to have left that behind, and is more open to listening. He has also finally understood that just because he speaks differently than everyone else (he has a slight disfluency, or stutter) this does not make him stupid. He is finally understanding what we have known all along, that he is a brilliant, and most of all wonderfully kind and caring young man. Again, I am so amazingly proud.

The biggest change, one of the hardest, and I would say the biggest blessing, was that this was the year that John started to learn sobriety. The world of alcoholism is such a closed one. There are so few people that we tell, there are so few people that we share that big grief with, and it becomes such a huge, consuming piece of our lives. While John has gotten sober, I have had to work so hard, still have to work hard at trying to not question where he is, has he been drinking that day? The little quick assessment that is done as he walks in the door has started to fall away, and it is not the first thing I think of.

John has worked so hard, and still works hard everyday. I have learned that there is no perfection in sobriety, there is no absolute, I have great faith however. Great faith in John's absolute burning desire to stay sober, to maintain this lifestyle for the rest of his life, one day at a time, and amazing, great faith in the Good Lord God to watch over him, and lift him up and help him day to day. And to watch over us all.

2010 brings opportunity, to continue on our way. I hope to continue to reach out and help those who need me. I hope to help put together a class for all denominations of faith in our area on how to include autistic students in all kinds of services, and to make the families more comfortable about being in church, or temple, or whatever.. I hope to help as many individuals as will need me, to understand their autistic child and how to help them grow and be comfortable in this world that will not change for them, but can accept them. I know that this is my calling. I also really hope to get more organized in home, and in body.. this is NOT my calling, but my own personal devil, so I will try to conquer it with a lot of lists...

So 2010! May you be blessed, may you see us continue to grow, hopefully not as painfully as 2009, but in faith, in strength and together as before and as always.

And so should 2010 be for all of you as well!

Listen to your gut...

2009-12-16T14:57:00.000-08:00

I've been preoccupied a lot lately, It's not that I don't love you all out in Kafooster land, it's just that there have been many demands on my time, and not even the holiday stuff, because barely any of that is done. Lately my biggest concern has been my grandmother.. Alice. She is now 86, and has all kinds of breathing problems, and was, frankly, tired, ready to die, and the family has been on pins and needles waiting for this EVENT.

This Friday I went to work as usual, and I started to cry, Grandma was in the hospital, and no one really knew what was wrong and I felt so disconnected. When my boss, Faith, saw me crying she said, Whoa! come over, tell me what's up!... I do not cry easily, and NEVER at work..

"Michelle, just go, you'll never feel right if you don't" Faith said..

And as it sometimes happens, everything just fell into place. John was able to have the time off of work, Faith arranged my days for this week so that I miss no work, I was able to get a flight out of Portland to Boise at 11:50 am PST on Friday morning (yep, same morning) and was in the hospital with Grandma by 3:30ish her time. (one hour ahead of us)

Now I'm not going to say that this was a pleasure cruise of a weekend, because, it was not. There were a lot of close calls, and we almost lost Grandma at least two times, but by the time I left on Monday morning, Grandma was tossing pillows at her bed, and getting cranky. (This made the family very, very happy!)

I spent a lot of time (almost all of this time I was there) at the Holy Rosary Hospital there in Ontario, Oregon. I know where the Chapel is, I know where the nurses keep the coffee on the 3rd floor, and the blankets and pillow cases for that matter... I was offered a job to join the night staff, only partial in jest I think. The staff was wonderful, but the time that I spent with my grandmother was a true blessing, for both of us. I was able to really understand her physical condition, and to translate that to family members if needed, and indeed to grandma herself. Although, she is the one that explained half of it to me. May I never stop learning from that amazing woman.

The point of all of this dribble is that, I was crawling out of my skin, unbalanced, ungrounded, feeling like I was flying apart, and when I stopped and listened to my gut, (and my boss, and my mom) everything just fell into place and both me and my family benefited from my trip to Eastern Oregon.

Grandma Alice is now out of the hospital, in rehab and starting her exercises for the first time today! She said that she is feeling great! She has a new lease, if you will.

See.. here she is with her Minnie mouse ears that my Aunt Linda and Cousin Jason just brought back to her. What a very loved mouse, uh, Grandma.

Quick, quiet moment

2009-11-29T13:32:00.000-08:00

Everyone is gone right now (as I typed that the phone rang... sigh) anywho, I decided to let you all know that I decided to knit the sweater, but not until next season, or when I have the money for the yarn I want. There was a time when I would just go buy it, but now, like with many other people, money is tighter around the house, and frankly we are trying to be wiser about our consumerism of anything. I am going to spend about $20.00 dollars soon for spinning lessons (that idea got sidetracked for this month due to the ol' H1N1 incident) I have access to a great deal of alpaca fiber, maybe I will get really good at spinning and I will spin the yarn for that sweater. That's a daunting idea! John is fine, the boys are fine, I am fine, although still coughing, (the only one, I think the doctor will have to be seen..another sigh)

The house still needs to be cleaned, the laundry is still calling out (only a few loads) and I think that I will go change out of my church going clothes and get into some sweats, sit in my rocking chair and work on a lace scarf I'm making for someone's Christmas present.. yep, that sounds like what the ultimate doctor ordered for today!

Happy Sunday!

Nickel Creek and What to do about the next sweater

2009-11-21T21:36:00.001-08:00

So I have the Ipod on to Nickel Creek.. a little bit of blue grass to drowned out the video gaming boys in the background. I have the perfect next sweater project, it really is perfect, and I fell in love with it the moment I saw the pattern.... except... I really just need to use the yarn in my stash, and I'm not sure that I have any that will be right for it, and it is knit in different parts... I know that sounds crazy, but I am a huge devote' of Elizabeth Zimmerman, and we knit in the round. We cut sweaters down the middle for a cardigan. I have no great desire to knit little pieces and then sew them together... it's a dilemma.

See?

But look at this!!

And this..

This screams out to me, can you see why?

I would love it in a dark color like this, but I think that I am going to do it in an aran (cream colored) super wash wool so that I can wear it all the time, and throw it in the washer and dryer.. but oh! If I were rich I would get more alpaca and knit this up in that.....

The big dilemma is this, do I wait on this one to get the perfect yarn? Or can you see this in the old fashioned cream color?

I think I need to play with it for a while.. oh well, I'm trying to bust out some Christmas knitting anyway.. but my fingers itch for this pattern!!!!

Finished sweater!!

2009-11-19T16:52:00.000-08:00

I know I'm going a bit overboard on the pictures and detail here.. but I am SO excited about the finished sweater! The pictures do not do the crimson base color justice! There is a depth to the color with black undertones.. and the sweater is so warm! Oh, and it fits!

So you get the idea right?

It has been more than a little crazy here, we were all down with the ol' H1N1, let me tell ya.. I'm still coughing, and the whole famn damily was ill at the same time. Our doctor put us on Tamiflu right away, and I'm here to tell you, if you get the chance.. TAKE IT! Tamiflu really lessened the symptoms.

As my grandmother says, we were all "puny" here at the Kafooster household, but we're on the mend. Besides, the quarantined household allowed me the time to finish my sweater!

Hair cut pictures..and that sweater.

2009-11-08T11:11:00.000-08:00

So we had hair cuts last week, and aside from Sam continuing to say

"Mom, you're really close to my ear right now... be careful!"

and both of them saying... "Are you done yet? It's taking you way too long!"

every thing went pretty well.

I am always surprised that a hair cut changes the look of young boys/men so much, and they are both growing so much lately that I seem to turn around and am seeing the young men more than boys... These were taken last Sunday..

Ben, after his bath.. he has my dad's curls to his hair, and there is so much red in that blond of his...

Sam, with a more hip (yep, I used that old word) hair cut... Sam is growing so quickly, we are almost eye to eye now.. (I'm only 5'1" so that is not tough for my kids, but it is still weird..)

And about that violin thing.. yep, I've decided to do it, but, I have to get a violin first.. I'll be looking at the local pawn shops, or on e-bay.. when I get it (no hurry..) I'll start learning to play instead of shreek... which is John's fear..

Happy Sunday everyone, hope it's a nice lazy day.. I'm going to put some soup in the crock pot... chicken and rice I think and then spend the rest of my day listening to boys play video games, and finishing up that sweater.. oh by the way.. this is what it looks like...

The checkered area in the front is where the "steeking" will take place, where you secure the yarn with a sewing machine then cut down the middle stitch to create a cardigan.. Pretty right? I'm excited about my new winter sweater!

Ben's picture has arrived... finally!

2009-11-06T15:33:00.000-08:00

So here it is.. I've got to tell you, I am so pleased that both have turned out so well.. check this out!

They both look so grown up!

I have been so busy trying to get everything done (work, housework, knitting, homework, housework, dishes, cleaning, housework.....) I think I'm falling back into that never ending cycle of recriminations that I used to do before the broken shoulder incident... I am trying to pull myself out of that cycle and trying to give myself permission to do things just for me.. I am working to finish that sweater that I started before the shoulder surgery that I just now picked up again, maybe tomorrow I'll take a picture and show you how far I am.. really I'm close to being finished.. this year I will have a new, alpaca cardigan. Also, I discovered a spinning teacher here in Hillsboro, and I called her and promised myself that in the middle of this month I am going to take a couple of lessons so that I can move forward in my attempt to spin my own yarn.

And tell me if this is silly, but I really want to learn to play the violin. This is something that I have always wanted to learn, but I was thinking really? At 40 years old? Learn the violin? But then I thought, well... why not? Wadda think? Too much ?

With everything else that's going on in my life, taking on yet another task seems daunting. I wish, truly that I was born an organized person. I just do not have the time to learn all the interests that haunt me! Certainly not learn them and keep up with the laundry!

Sam's Picture is Back

2009-10-11T20:54:00.000-07:00

So Sam's school pictures came back.. they are actually really good. He was clearly thinking of our school picture conversation. See...

Sorry about the quality of the scan. Any one of you who know me are going to laugh and would be right to say that this is an expression straight off of my own face.. Really this is 100% his mother.. poor kid.

Ben has not had his school pictures taken yet, which is really strange, normally this would be done by now, but picture day for him is not until Oct. 20Th.

The first part of the school year was horrible, everyone got sick within the second week. Sam's school had 55 kids leave the school on Tues of the 2ND week.. Not just calling in sick, mind you, but start throwing up in the hallways, classroom,bathrooms, or office, and be sent home. Luckily everything seems to be calming down.
Sam is loving his class so far, and I am thrilled.

Ben seems to be okay in school, but he is at that stage where, when you say anything at all to him, his response is "I know, I know" in an exasperated tone.

"Ben put your shoes on"
"I know, I know"
"Ben your sandwich is ready."
"I know, I know"
"Ben, get your head in the corner, you cannot call your brother a dick!"
"Mom!, that is so unfair!" (this is the other thing that I am hearing all day long!)
"Ben, in this house we are supposed to be respectful towards everyone and calling people names, even our brothers, when they are being mean, is not oka....

(interruption)

"MOM! I KNOW, I KNOW!! Can I get out of the corner now?"

humm. well, you all get the picture, right? I remember that Sam went through this at nine. Ben has it down pat. The rolling of the eyes, the disgruntled grunt, the shaking of his head as he walks away exclaiming,

"You just don't understand what I'm saying Mom!"

On to other things, the weather here is supposed to turn for a very fast drop in temperature this week and me and my shoulder are here to tell you that the weather channel is absolutely correct!!! Ouchie momma! I'm just going to make sure that I have a supply of pain medication on hand for the winter. But I will come in hand for the family weather needs.

I had a friend laugh at this the other day and say..

"Wow, that really sucks, that's like being the weather girl X-Man, and the only super power you got was different kinds of pain to tell you what's coming, but you don't get to move it around like Storm"

I have to agree.. If I have to be a mutant, why can't I have the cool super powers?

Picture day..

2009-09-16T09:26:00.000-07:00

It's picture day at Jr. High... I have to tell you, I hate picture day, because, although I have very handsome young boys.. I do not very often get good pictures from school. It's not really the photographer's fault. I have children that have taken in into their heads that professional photographers are not to be smiled at. Because of this unfortunate mindset, I get pictures like this...

and like this...

Really these guys are so adorable... when they are not in front of school photographers they look like this...

Or like this..

So this morning, before Sam left for school, I started this conversation...

"Sam, I'm paying for these pictures, and every year.. really they are just crap"

"So."

"Why don't you picture the Photo guy in his underwear?"

"That really doesn't do it for me mom."

"How about a cartoon anvil on his head" *

No response from Sam so I say...

"Umm.. How about a bird landing on his head."

"How about a bird pooping on his head" (small grin escaping from his face... quickly drawn back in)

"Whatever works... You know, Sam, when I was in the 7th grade, I was trying to look all sexy for my photo, and it was the worst picture I ever had taken, it was like this."

(View mom bugging out her eyes, sucking in her cheeks, and ducking her head) **

"REALLY DUDE, every time your Amuma (Basque for grandmother) pulls that thing out I cringe.. I'm trying to save you that pain later in life..."

This gets an actual laugh.... I am hoping that he will think of that face when the Photography guy whips out his camera... failing that, I told the story to his amazing aides at school when I dropped him off this morning, I hope it works..

I get to have a similar conversation with Ben next week. Sigh.

* No actual School Photographers were harmed in the writing of this blog

**This picture is not available for public viewing...ever.

New yarn..

2009-09-14T18:56:00.000-07:00

So I called my friend Amy.. and said.. I hate you being in Texas and not just four blocks away, because, if you were four blocks away, I would drive over to your house, right this very minute and show you the new, self-striping yarn that I dyed.

All by myself.

It is so beautiful that I was tempted to drive over to Amy's old house to introduce myself to the complete stranger that lives there to show off the yarn. (Old habits, you know...)

Amy said.. put it on your blog. Then I can look at it tomorrow. Well Amy, here it is, and it is a thing of beauty. Hard to see, but there is a dark and light brown, then a dark and light pink.

Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty, Pretty... you get it.

One of the many cool things about Amy, is that before she ever saw this yarn, when I told her that I had finally made self-striping yarn in my very own dye pot, she started, like, jumping up and down with excitement (of course you can tell over the phone!) like if she had been just four blocks away, she would have jumped into her minivan and would have been to my house before I could have gotten out of my driveway...

Finally... the painted house.

2009-09-10T16:33:00.000-07:00

Lots of pictures.. not much text... The colors are not quite exact.. it's hard to see the true colors here.. like the yellow was really a deep, dirty Winnie-the-poo.

The cream color on the bottom is dirty, and in flat paint.. so, impossible to clean. Really great for a home with kids... The painting was done by my father.. neat huh? the canvas has texture on it, so like a surface of a cave.. and the pigments in the paint are mostly sands and earth... I'll do a close up of his work sometime..

This is a better picture of the blue.

Same nasty cream.. see the grease spots.. that was caused by those sticky hands/feet/dinosaurs that you get for a quarter at the grocery store, when all you really want to do is scurry home like the tired rat you are..

On the right, may I present the ugliest mid-night blue ever.. and the color my husband still calls "Purple" ~right. This was flat paint too... sigh. AND please take note of the horrible border that has a very closely repeating picture that was designed to, but never once made me feel calm. These were never my choice, they came with the house.

This is really a good shot of the color too.

Now.. this is the big BIG success... on the top, 1970's horrible, rough, cheap wood paneling, on the bottom, very beautiful knotty pine that lightens up the whole area!

This one was just fun!

Check List

2009-09-08T17:51:00.000-07:00

Mop the floor... check
Bake the cookies... check
Feed the children after they get home from the first day of school...check
Feed them again...check
Play "How long will the stupid human hold the door open for me" with Cloud...check
Get new glasses...check and check again!
Write a new post... ahhh..

Well, yes it is the first day back at school, and time to check in again here at the Kafooster household. Both boys are ready to sleep already (I'm so happy!) Ben is actually crying tired, if I can only keep him up for a few more hours, there is the possibility of a real nights sleep for me. Third grade has started out just fine for him, he is back with some of his friends from last year, and other than the need to sleep, he seems happy enough.

Sam started Jr. High this year and is very happy with his class. Sam is less happy with the ride home, his bus ride is over an hour because they go from his Jr. High, pick up high school students, and then he is the last to be dropped off. I don't really understand why yet, it is only the first day and I will have to watch and see how that goes.

Simple things in a simple life, (Simply crazy! Work full time, two kids in school~ A husband starting at the end of this month.. first time back in school for him since high school. 1979 is the last time he has walked into a classroom. Dear Good Lord, why am I still sane, Oh Dear Lord.. am I still sane?)

On to a subject switch. I wanted you all to get an update on Charlie. He is doing much better. You see, when you have children that are on medications for chemical imbalances, it is very, very important for everyone to watch them as they reach puberty. The hormones that start to course through their little bodies interact with medications differently, even if they have been on the same medications for years. When Charlie was hospitalized they took him off of all medications and he evened out. He just needed one. He was on more than one before. It happens so quickly in some children, this teenage change.

There were signs though, he sold his PlayStation, offered to give away his favorite video games, his mother and I spoke about these things the week before he tried to overdose. His mother took him to see his counselor just a few days before. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

I try to get the word out to other parents that have their children medicated. By all means, medicate if that is what is best for your child, no judgement behind that statement at all. Each child is different, and no one knows them better than their parents. With that in mind, never let a doctor tell you that you should stay on course with the meds if you start to get that really bad feeling in the back of your head.. the one that wakes you up at 3:00 am. Really monitor closely the changes in behavior as your child enters into puberty.

I hope others read this, I hope teachers read this and pass it on, I hope parents pass this on to their friends. It's really easy to say "Well, duh, there is a higher rate of suicide for teens on anti- whatevers" but when you have Life happening around you, and you are around your own child everyday, the idea that they are "teenager-ing" at all passes you by.

geessh, I should have posted two different posts.. day and night.. say you still love me for all of my topsy-turvy ways!

Book recommendation..

2009-08-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't been ignoring you all.. really, I'm just half blind, and I have been avoiding all things computer until I get new glasses... I don't have them yet, but I wanted to tell you all about a book that I read, well, listened to, about a month ago. It is called "Thirteen Reasons Why" by Jay Asher, this is his debut book, and I tell ya.. I will be watching this guy. This book should be required reading for all Jr. High and High School students. It tells the story of a girl who commits suicide from the point of view of herself, and one of the persons she leaves behind. Stop... don't roll your eyes at me.. really, this is unpretentious, powerfully written, and really deals with high school culture head on. It opens a discussion that is very much needed.

I say this because one of my elder son's classmates and friends. Charlie, just tried to commit suicide this month. Yep, a 12 year old boy. He was hospitalized in the Psych ward for two weeks, but insurance only covers so much. His mother, a wonderful woman, is watching him very closely. Now, Sam and I have been having this on going conversation about listening to other people and what they say about hurting themselves or other people. The fact is that my children, because they are autistic, are usually placed with students who are defined as "ED" in the school district..this is "Emotionally Disturbed"

Of course, autistic people are not generally emotionally disturbed... at least mine are not... My boys are funny, quirky, well adjusted Vulcans. However the school district has no nice, neat defined place for Vulcans, so they lump them together with all of the other quirky children that they cannot define...

These children are wonderful, but I realized early on that they will be more prone to hurting themselves or others because of the individual issues that they have, ergo, Sam and I talk a lot about signs to listen for. Paranoid you say? Well, obviously not.

Back to the book, it held me spellbound, it really addressed the feelings of the girl and why she made the decision she did, how seemingly little things effected her life in a big way. It also give the reader, and frankly the person considering suicide as the answer, the feelings of the boy who was alive and listening to the tapes she left for him and his reactions to her honesty after it was too late for him to help her, or to get help for her.

Do yourself a favor, if you have the time, jump into this very well written book. If you have kids you love, read this book with them, open the discussion, talk about other options, make them aware of other people around them, and what they can do if they think that someone is needing help. Not everyone will be as lucky as Charlie, and still be around after his first attempt.

Painting on vacation

2009-07-15T11:40:00.000-07:00

This is a really quick post to let you all know that I'm on VACATION! Also that I am using it to repaint the interior of our home. Mind you, we are going to the coast tomorrow, and we will be seeing the new Harry Potter flick this week. We are going to the park (in about 40 minutes) with friends, and I'll be doing laundry.. but mostly, we are finally repainting the inside of the house.

We moved into the house in 2001 and have never painted, this is a ranch style home that was build in 1960 and is all angles, and the last person painted the home in Winnie the Poo yellow (the Winnie the Poo that has been loved and cried on for years, yellow ) Midnight blue, grayish cream colored, and white... oh and there is an old 1970ish cedar wood panelled wall that will have to be removed before painting (the wood, not the wall... geesh) I took before pictures, I will post them when we're done.

I saw the shoulder doctor today, and was "fired" I no longer have to go back there. It was a year on 7-5-09 since the "shoulder incident" as it is known in my house. (I love living with Vulcans, they are highly amusing in their descriptions.. much more than understated, or over the top drama... never in between) I was also fired from the Physical Therapist. Kim said that I have all the tools I need to continue on my own.. frankly that means that I know how to do the laundry and scrub the counters like I've been doing.. wax on, wax off physical therapy... Kim thinks that's funny.

I'll post when I get pictures on the finished wall project. The problem with painting in the home is that the rest of the house needs to be done too, and you can see how badly. I'm quite sure that my kitchen is next, and because Sam is going all Asperger's over the fact that we are changing his decor, I do believe that the kitchen is going to be a yellow (of my choosing) and the horrible light, bright green cupboard doors that came with the home will be changed to a pretty country blue.... hummm Pictures to show you what I mean will follow..

Movin' to Texas..

2009-07-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

No, not me.

One of my best friends, Amy, is heading to Texas to be closer to her side of the family on July 11th.

I am not ready for this. I don't have a lot of close girl friends. The ones that you can talk to two days, or two months later and pick up the conversation where you left off. As a matter of fact, when you meet it is like picking up the conversation where you left off from the last life that you knew each other in. Amy and I are like this. We call each other when our wonderfully strange family members do something funny. Normally these actions would not be funny to other people, but we live with Vulcans, so we have a twisted sense of humor.

I know that we have the Internet now, and the telephone, and cell phones where there aren't even long distance charges. I am secure in the knowledge that we will not lose touch with each other. BUT it is simply not the same as driving 2 blocks down, taking a left hand turn, driving 3 blocks down and 1 right turn and 1 block later I'm in her drive way.

Amy is also one of my knitting buddies. She took to it like a fish to water, she understands the amazing mathematics of it all, the pure logic of stitches per inch equals whatever you want to make it.

Amy also gets my lack of organization, she is the one who led me to the fly lady and her system of recapturing your house. I'm still working towards this, Amy is my inspiration.

Amy is moving for all the right reasons, she really is needed in Texas, way more than I need her here, there are better job opportunities for the family there. All of the things that we pull up roots for. Blah, blah, blah.

There is no one way to define a friendship. There is no one way to use words to describe the love and overwhelming dependence that we have on one person to be in our lives daily. I won't even try.

Moving Sucks.

Ben's riding too!

2009-06-28T22:26:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update.. after a week of struggling, and me finally taking apart an old, and smaller two wheeler that we had (took off the chain and petals) so that Ben could practice just the balance part of riding, Ben is now riding his two wheeler! I just got the idea of a seated scooter off the internet two days ago, and as soon as Ben had some time to just glide, it clicked! Tonight, as I drove up to the house from taking Oscar to the dog park, John let go of Ben's bike, and off he went. I was so happy to be able to see this, and to give the very well deserved high five!

There are still things to learn like braking, turning, starting on our own, watching out for cars, not hitting our father in the groin when we fall. These are lessons that we will work on in the next few weeks at the neighborhood school parking lot, so that we don't have to worry so much about the through traffic.

My floor is still not mopped. I got the sweeping done, so that's good enough for now.

New Skills

2009-06-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

Last night we high-tailed it off to Target and bought the boys two wheelers. This may seem odd to you all, knowing that I have a 12 year old and a not quite 9 year old, but with their Asperger's, one of the issues that they both have is balance (there are fancier, medical terms for this.. I will not subject you to them.. I'd have to look up the spelling anyway..) Sam took off like a soaring hawk this morning. No help, just started to ride. I cannot tell you what a joy it is to see this milestone. There are times when you start to despair that "normal" milestones will ever come to pass, and frankly some never do, and you just have to deal with it. Today however, Sam has grabbed some of his first independence. He and I rode to the local school grounds on our bikes, while dad and Ben took the car with Ben's bike, as he is still trying to learn the balance thing. Ben is really heart broken that he is not flying next to his brother right away. We have to keep explaining to him that he will get it soon, and that he is much younger that Sam is.

He really hates hearing that. Really.

So we road bikes, went swimming, then road bikes again. WOW! It is 6:43 pm and both of my boys have not touched a video game.. right now Sam is reading a book while I make Mac and Cheese... dinner of Champions.

I will pay with my shoulder tomorrow, I know, because I'm paying now.. and not a stitch of my house work got done this weekend, I still need to take the dog to the dog park. But this is a dawning of a new age at the Kafooster house hold, and the mopping of the floor will wait. Amen!

Graduation for Spock

2009-06-16T21:25:00.000-07:00

Today was 6Th grade graduation. This is really tough for parents, only 6 more years until graduation from High School. ACK!

Today however, is a celebration, a celebration of Sam's 1st year with some main stream classes since 2ND grade, and with his success with said mainstreaming. Also quite the celebration of who Sam is becoming, a very intelligent young man with a sophisticated sense of humor. Case in point, when Sam was given his certificate of graduation today this is how he stopped in front of the auditorium.

Yep.. that is the international Vulcan symbol for "Live long and prosper" he definitely got some laughs. He said he did it for me. I love my kids. I love that Sam embraces his own inner-geek, and that his inner-geek reflects much of his fathers and my own.

See..

I do want to take this opportunity to give out huge props to his teachers. Unfortunately I do not have a shot of Mr. McCoy, his math teacher extraordinaire, but I have a picture of Sam with his favorite reading teacher. Mrs. L.

But mostly a huge thank you to Mr. Gorans, one of the best teachers that Sam has worked with. Mr. Gorans is his special Ed teacher and is really very good, and seriously overworked, and under paid. But then aren't all teachers?

Mr. Gorans came to us from Minnesota, and Oregon is really lucky to have him. There is a great deal of time and dedication that goes into working with special ed kids, it can be a thankless job with the kids, and frankly with their parents. Even I get defensive with the school staff, and I know how hard their job really is. I know that Sam loves his teachers, but I hope Sam's teachers know how much I love them too. Live long, and Prosper!

Fob cover- the second

2009-06-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

So back in November of last year, I made a key fob cover (the brown one) because my key chain part of the fob broke.. and here is where I would add a fancy link to that post if I knew how. I'm a master knitter folks, but I claim no expertise on this confounded machine. (However, any of you experts want to let me know how to do this.. please, please leave me a message)

Anyway, as you can see, my old covers' I-cord connection gave way, and when I went to replace it, I realized that the fading on the yarn was too much for me, so I cut the fob out of the old shell, and knitted another around it.

I started to write up a pattern, as it is really very easy, and significantly less expensive (scrap sock yarn) than the $75.00 they want to replace the fob, (which works fine other than the key chain connection thingy) but I'm not sure that it would be all that wanted..

Because there are so many different shapes to key fobs, the instructions would be general, very Zimmerman-esque.

So I'm thinking of sending the pattern off to Knitty to share with the knitting world. What do you think?

Summer Time Count Down

2009-06-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

The game continues...

We are on a 3 day count down to summer time... We officially have no homework this next week, but we do have "graduation" from 6Th grade. I consider this a very good reason to take a Tuesday off. This was my first week back to work on a full time basis. On Monday I was completely wiped out... Heavens, I was so tired. Mind you, I had PHYSICAL THERAPY right after my first full day back, (yes, I know that I screamed it..) Oddly enough, by the end of the week (today, I had to work this Saturday) I'm feeling pretty good. Isn't it amazing how quickly we can get used to something we've done before?
Now some news and some socks.. Firstly, I had to take my wonder dog Oscar to the vet this
week, he has been panting, panting, panting, panting... poor guy. Oscar is overweight, and needs to be on a serious diet.. Also, Oscar has allergies and a staph infection in his skin due to the scratching brought on by said allergies. SO antibiotics for Oscar, 1 cup of food a day for Oscar, and daily walks for Oscar. Oscar looks like a stereo-typical portly English butler.. Or Hercule Poirot, chalk that up to the left over PB and J that is left around, along with gold fish crackers off the floor.

Secondly, these are the newest pair of finished socks.. I like them, but will not wear them until fall, because, oh boy are they warm! I'm starting a pair now that is a wool/bamboo blend.. very soft and light.

And here, I shamelessly used Cloud, the very relaxed, sleeping cat as a prop for the turquoise and gold pair that I had neglected to show you before (bad girl)

Now, I know that it is in bad form, but I will be posted another post right after this one, because I need to download more pictures.. and it is just not catch up stuff.. So see you in a minute.

Pictures, pictures, pictures... and gnomes

2009-06-03T18:33:00.001-07:00

We are reaching the home stretch to summer vacation, and frankly, I am tired, sick and tired of homework... et al. For those of you on summer vacation now, fooey on you... no really, I don't mean it, I hope you are having a well deserved break... I still, deep down, resent you.

Moving on, I have promised pictures of socks, and I am coming through, with most of them anyway, because I have been a sock making machine! Here goes.

Now, I have finished that turquoise and gold pair long ago, I just realized while down loading pictures that I never took a finished shot of those. I have counted, I have completed four new pairs of socks, and just have the leg of my fifth to finish. I really want my sock drawer full of my own socks come winter time.. all wool, all mine! Some people want millions of dollars, I'm happy with warm socks.

On to the gnomes. I was at Joann's, (shocker, I know) anyhoo, I found these little miniature hanging gnomes in the 50% off section and thought, well of course, why not?

I decided that I was going to make up a game for the summertime. Random gnome sightings. This is how it works. See a gnome somewhere, get it, put it somewhere else. Don't tell. Let someone else find it and put the gnome in another place. Repeat.

This has already become one of the most amusing things that we have ever done as a family. Honestly. It takes imagination, but very little time and can be absolutely hilarious... Here is one of my personal favorites, this last Saturday morning when I went for the fat free 1/2 and 1/2 for my coffee...

yep, that's the sun tea jug, Sam put it there the night before.. brilliant

Then there is the gnome who wants back in the garden and is willing to ride on my hat..

The gnome on the mantle... just a little closer to the back door, and therefore, the garden..

And just today.. I laughed out loud.. with malicious glee, I might add (well, frankly, I will add) as I found a very particular place for a poor gnome to be... we humans rarely look up, so he may be safe.

Really, I can't tell if he looks trapped, or just as mischievous as I feel.. bless him.

whew..

2009-05-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

I live, and I have not broken another limb, and even as I type I am still able to yell at my 12 year old to get off of that stinking video game, and go give his stinking self a bath.... not very effective though...

"Mom, I have to finish this level!"
"Sam, I told you 7:30"
"Ahh, ahh, dang, I hate this so much, I can't get it to work"
"What did you say?!"
"Not you Mom, the video game!"

Of course now, he is really, really, really angry that I made him get off the game and he is screaming mad. Oh well.

Rages are so not fun. Can I get a witness?

The end of the school year is always like this, and it so does not help that school is in until June 17th due to that snow month that we had this winter... and if you want to know why I haven't written lately, may I allow you to hear the eloquent screams of

"MOM! WHERE ARE MY PAJAMAS?"
"They are in your dresser."
"BUT I CAN'T FIND THEM!"

This is Ben this time and geesh, training them to come and talk to you, and not to yell at you through the house seems to be impossible. Has this mission ever been successfully completed? Is it like the elusive "never putting down the toilet seat"
Should I even continue to try?

Although, when I stepped away long enough to help Ben get his pajamas, answer the telephone and speak to my darling husband, and to assure Ben that if the cat got up the tree, she can get back down, and that you should not use a long stick to try and touch her in the tree... (where is that witness?!?) Sam seemed to calm down, and decide that having some food was a good idea. (Yeah, NOW he wants to eat) But, on the up side, he made it himself and seems to be speaking in a normal tone of voice. So I complement him on his good choice of making food....sigh, and come back to let you all know that I really, really have not given up blogging. I am still knitting, I have pictures of socks, lots of socks that I have completed, (I still cannot work on my sweater because of the shoulder. I'm chopping on that bit a little.) I will show those to you hopefully tomorrow, because now I have to usher a 12 year old into the bath.

Isn't that where we started?

Where did the 2 (or so) weeks go?

2009-04-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

Okay, I still exist, really. I can give you all kinds of excuses, like going back to work has thrown me off, and I.E.P. (individual education program) meetings are going on for 2 boys, and I am furiously knitting socks, and cleaning house and blah blah blah... and all of those things would be true, but in fact, every time I went to post, my thoughts leaked out of my head and I just couldn't come up with something worth while. I must admit to feeling very mortal lately. One of my Jr/Sr highschool friends that I have stayed in touch with over the years has two wonderful daughters. The eldest just gave birth to her 2nd child in March, and her baby, Olivia, was stillborn. They knew that this would happen, she had no forebrain develop, so they knew that she would not live, and bravely made the choice to give her what life and love that God would allow. This has firstly made me feel.. well old. That I waited until almost 30 to have children does not change the fact that I could easily have grandchildren now, and this makes me see the time line of my life in a more traditional way.. the true middleage.

Second, and more importantly, I have been amazed at the deep, mature, abiding love of God and Baby that Heather and Nathan showed. I have felt the need to slow down, reevalute my attitude toward the everyday moments with my own children. ( come on, be honest, it is so easy to focus on the arguement about getting homework done, or getting them to take a bath.)

Both of my children are so very intelligent, and frankly so very reasonable 90 % of the time that I often forget that Aspergers exhists. So when a major Asperger's moment occurs, I often forget my "tools" to deal with the issue at hand (I can't win this level!... I don't want to do handwritting, it's too hard!) I forget to take a walk, or let them just have a sensory break. Sigh, it is so easy to forget the huge leaps and bounds of growth that they both have made this year--Ben could hardly read at the beginning of this school year.. 2nd grade, and now is at the low second grade level reading.. and only because of his fluency, (he has a low to moderate disfluency in speech.. he stutters.) So I'm thinking that reading to himself, he is nearly or completely caught up! Wow!
Sam is starting to take some ownership of homework too... and you all know that this has been a struggle.
I have to say that watching Heather's strength through this ordeal has touched me. I marvel at her grace. I hurt for her too. I continue to hope that my children will be so giving and open to love even when their heart is breaking.

So this has been on my chest and on my mind for a while, and although I sat down today to give you pictures of my latest socks, apparently I had something else to say. Tomorrow I can give you pictures of socks. Today I leave you with a reason to thank God for the children that you have, healthy, or not, neura-typical or not, all of us, with our own personal birth defects are still here to love and be loved.

Gotta go interupt Sam's video game with a Hug... he'll hate it.. too bad!

Geesh.. Where did the week go?

2009-04-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

So first of all.. the boys both have their ears... This is due in no small part to me letting go of my need for perfection, and just using the clipper guides for around the ears. 'Nuff said.

I started back to work, part time, this Wednesday, and I am still desperately trying to get my house into some order.

Now, you may not know this, but in my past life, I was a slob.

Not that I didn't have good intentions of cleanliness, no, that wasn't it. As a matter of fact, clean was not the problem, the floors were mopped, the dishes done.. The clutter was the issue. I am not what you would call a "Born Organized" person.

I was given a "fly lady" intervention years ago by my great friend Amy, who is way better at clean than I am. I could only get so far on my own. This house is a little house, that has one husband, two boys, three cats, a dog, a fiber addict for a mother and too much crap. I can tell you that the house did not get any better with the mom of the house with a broken shoulder, then with a mom of the house with a surgery damaged shoulder.

In steps my mother.

God Bless my mother.

Now, my mom is a born organized person. I will not lie, when she stepped in to help me clean the house (gut it inside out, more like) I was not too happy. I gritted my teeth, my tone of voice was not always pleasant, I sighed like a disgruntled teenager.

My mom really loves me.

After a few rooms however, I started to see, well, surfaces. Yes, cleared off surfaces. I walk into my living room and have a corner to knit in... by a window, with a clean surface that used to overflow with odds and ends of forgotten projects, undone mending etc, etc -add nausea. No, really, nausea.

I have taken over the project, well, what I can do myself with a shoulder that will not be 100 % for several months yet. I still call on my mom for help... like today to clean off the top of my washer and dryer. It is sooo pretty. See.

I am finding that my sense of peace is expanding like the heart of the Grinch on Christmas day.

Also.. though I haven't taken the picture of the Pink Cable Sock yet.. (sorry) I was so excited about the red and pink "dyed blank" sock that I have taken pictures here...

and here..

and I've started a new pair of socks... because I'm a freak. Pretty soon, I'll not only be a fiber freak, but a clean freak too. (yeah, I went there, it's how momma rolls.)

Hair cuttin time..

2009-03-28T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid... it's time to cut hair again.. and yes, the ear cutting incident WAS the last time their hair was cut, and yes, they do look like some strange update on the Beatles invasion. I am paralyzed with the fear of ear cutting.. and of the (understandable) look of "you've got to be kidding me right?" that will come my way when I mention that we will be cutting hair tonight.

Everyone.. pray... I am in the calm before the storm. I hope I come out the other side unscathed.. and that my children still have their ears.

New Project

2009-03-25T09:41:00.000-07:00

So, this is a sock blank that I got from KnitPicks.com.. because I love them, and I love to dye yarn.. For those of you who love crafty, crafty stuff.. I highly recommend this process. It really allows you to play with color, and to see what the colors do on your socks..

I finished my other cable socks, and, as soon as they are out of the warsh.. I will post a picture of them. For now...

As you can see, I could not wait to get started. The red and pink are not showing up on the photos as bright as they really are. Believe you me, these are wonderfully bright, but a deep and rich color, at the same time. Brookes.. I'll have them done before I come back to work.. I'll show you then.. As a matter of fact.. I am here...

Just starting the ribbing on the leg of the sock.

And, in the time it took to take this photo, I had my ever present shadow, who loves all things fiber, as much as Tess ever did, join me.. see

Really, Ryefedd (Fedd-a-la, as she is becoming to be known..) jumped up and sat down before I could take another, better shot. Cat on the table, scandalous!

Maybe this is more like it.. Oscar really loves his buddies!

Joan.. just to answer your question, I sell the kettle dyed yarn through a local store, but if you have a burning desire for something specific e-mail me, I'll let you know all the colors I have and you can tell me what your heart desires...

Weekend Cat Bloggin' # 2 (for me)

2009-03-14T15:51:00.000-07:00

This is trust.. here are two cats that know that having children around does not mean terror...

Here is a little Miss who loves clean surfaces! Pam.. there is a small sample of one of my strange collections, I love old buttons! I have several Jars like that.

Happy, warm kittens.

Newly dyed yarns..

2009-03-14T15:29:00.000-07:00

(unfair advantage to the other pictures.. it's outside)

So, I dyed some more yarn yesterday.. too much yarn because I can barely move my shoulder today... ouch. That was a mistake, but I have pictures.

Unfortunately, the pictures do no justice to the real yarn, they are so much brighter than this. Pretty, pretty, shinny, shinny! (For those of you, not in the know... that is from the cartoon, "My Gym Partner's a Monkey"... don't ask me to explain, YouTube it....)

Really, I wish you could see these in real life, they are really vibrant. I've decided that I absolutely have to make a "Chestnut Cloud" for myself. I want the "Emerald City" and the "Tropical Seas" and the "Elizabeth's Eyes" (Taylor...it's really violet!) Frankly I think that I will have to eventually have all of these in my own stash. So much for non-bloating the sock yarn!

Chestnut Cloud

2009-03-07T16:44:00.000-08:00

Okay.. I took a picture of the latest skein that I dyed before I took it to the store, and here it is..

Isn't it pretty? I call it "Chestnut Cloud" after Cloud the cat of course!

Here are a couple more pictures of the skein twisted in a different way, they all look so beautiful to me, I love them.

I took this into the shop and it didn't even get to the display. It was bought and rolled into a ball before I left, also, before I left, I had an order for another brown, 3 pinks, like my socks... seen here... I call this my "Grrls kick butt Pink". If you click on the picture, you should be able to see the cable detail..

I also was asked for a lilac and a green. I had to order more yarn so that I can actually get some yarn on the shelf. Not that I'm complaining. I finally get to play with the colors without feeling guilty that I am adding more yarn to my already bloated sock yarn stash.

I just wanted you all to see, I will continue to take pictures of what comes out of my kettle pot. Let me know what you think.

I have to go take care of an ill child now. John went to work for the 1st time this week, he has Walking Pneumonia, Sam has bronchitis, I have a sinus infection, and Ben is generally grumpy because everyone else is ill (Who can blame him?)

I think I'll throw in a movie for the boys and I and I will work on those socks. Sounds like the perfect way to spend Saturday night to me.

I also played with getting the spacing correct on this posting, and frankly I'm done, Sorry that it's all smooshed together.

She's baack...kinda'

2009-03-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

This cannot be long, and will be somewhat anticlimactic, but this is me, typing and back. I have been working on socks, I'll get a picture later for you, because the sweater is a little too heavy still. I hope to get back to it (the sweater) soon. The house is a disaster, as I can only do so much, my mom is trying to come in and help to reorganize everything... I'll keep you updated, but my bedroom and one of the boys' bedrooms looks way better. Sam, the elder, flat refuses to have anyone clean without him, we may throw away something important, like, an old wrapper for a pack of Yu'Gi-Oh! cards. Tragedy!

I have been starting to dye yarn. Sock yarn. Something I've played with for a while, the socks I'm knitting now are with my own hand dyed yarn, but yesterday I took some of my other yarn down to my LYS (local yarn store, for the non-knitters) to show off, and the owner promptly bought one for herself ( totally blindsided me) and put the others (just two right now) on commission in her shop. I feel like a deer in a headlight. She even put a tag on the yarn and made up a name... "Michelle's Kettle Dyed Yarn" Holy Crap! So, I guess I can feed my addiction for dying yarn without adding to my stash of sock yarn (it was at 50 socks to knit.. now at 47...) Although, I reserve the right to keep a skein that screams "Beauty" to me... again I'll take some pictures with the next skeins before taking them to the shop (that sounds so strange!) so you can see!

I'm Okay

2009-02-17T14:07:00.000-08:00

Typing with one hand doesn't work well, so Mom is typing for me...everybody say hi Mom!

The surgery went well. They removed the whole bursa, said it will regenerate itself. Also found a 1" X 1/2" piece of bone on the front of the shoulder that they did not see on the MRI or x-ray. Cool huh? Dr. was surprised and pleased, said that this will allow me to move my arm without hurting now. Just wanted to let you know, and my wit and wisdom will have to wait a while before you hear from me again unless Mom comes over and plays me. Thanks for all the well wishes, I'll keep an eye out for any comments.

Walking into it, eyes wide open -- IDIOT!

2009-02-15T23:09:00.000-08:00

I'm going to bed any minute now, and as my whole family could attest to, I have been very anxious today. Tomorrow is the surgery on my shoulder, and the surgeon, who is amazing, by the way, explained that surgery on the shoulder is the most painful surgery you can go through.

Believe, or not, this has made me a bit jumpy. I'm understated like that.

So, being the neurotic that I am, I have been trying to figure out why I'm so freaked by this.. I've gone through this before, it cannot be worse that the break itself right?

I figured it out a little while ago. It's really simple.

The first time was an accident, I tripped. The pain was (is) nasty, all kinds of different medical personel have told me "One of the most painful breaks that you can have." Well, duh. No one to blame though, pure and well, simple.

Now though, I know what's coming. I know that this is going to be ugly. I know that there is absolutely no other way to fix my shoulder. I know that we have tried everything else, and if I don't do this I will always have pain, muscle spasms, and OH, not be able to move my arm correctly. HOWEVER, I am walking into this with my eyes wide open, so to speak, I KNOW. I KNOW!

I keep reliving what sleep was like, and not being able to wash my hair, and trying to put on a shirt (okay, I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU to try to put on a t-shirt, and not move your shoulder, while you're at it, try to wash your hair with your right hand, or left if that's how you roll, hanging at your side!)

Basic human reaction... stay away from pain. Period.

Here I am, volunteering (yeah, I know, no real choice, but still!) to walk into the Hospital doors at 5:45 am tomorrow to get ready for 7:30 am surgery. This cannot be good for the psyche... it's a damn good thing I'm already completely twisted. This would drive a sane person batty.

Okay.. I got the camera a'workin' with the 'puter.

2009-02-09T20:56:00.001-08:00

So Okay.. here is the sweater.. I tried to get a up close shot of the color work.. it was fuzzy.. tough luck. I think I'm afraid of getting too close to the floor, you may see the dog hair that should have been swept up. If I start saving now, I could spin myself yarn for a sweater... naw, the dog's hairs are too short, no crimp.

But you can see that I am in the home stretch here, and I am really wanting to sit down and just work on the fair isle, alas.. it is not to be. I go to a pre-lim doctor's appointment tomorrow and the wait in his office is always amazingly long... so I should have a time to gratify my need to see color on that neck line.

Sam has a math test tomorrow..

"Chapter 10 all sections" and we have been studying tonight.. see?

That's right, I can still do my algebra.. simple yes, but, problem solving with fractions.. I can even help with the story problems.. Sometimes I still feel the overwhelming satisfaction of being a Hermione Granger!

Nobody said the handwriting had to be good folks!

Now I also have discovered toys on my phone camera.. so I'm going to bore you all with the results! Frames!

John.. Rocker Extraordinaire!

Sam.. Wanted for an "A" on his math test! He said that he would settle for a "C" Whatever!

Ben.. Wanted for trying really hard not to laugh for this picture, and failing! (Great giggle fest that was!)

Chelle... Better known as Supermom! Able to wash (warsh) laundry and watch "House" in a single sitting!

And lastly, Sam caught this absolutely perfect "Queen of Kafooster" "Mom look" you can even see the tip of my finger in the corner if you look. (just like MY mom!) I really considered putting this up as my blog picture, because, frankly, I think this is the look that is on my face probably 90 % of the time! Let me know if you think I should change it!

Weekend Cat bloggin' and Dog too.

2009-02-08T16:50:00.001-08:00

It's cold out, but sunny, and they have fur coats..

Cloud.. lording over the deck..

Oscar the dog, and Toulouse playing together... need a video camera to let you see how funny this is...

Cloud.. the explorer.

Miss. Ryefedd (Fedd for short) enjoying the day.

Deep frustration. over pictures

2009-02-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

I would be showing you that the sweater is now connected.. that I have the short rows done and will be starting the color work today!!! but again.. the pictures will not down load!! anywho, I have a fine feathered friend.. oh sorry, wrong person, I have a really good friend who is a computer genius that will be here later and will be helping us get this computer system picture loving again... until then, I think I hear yarn calling my name.....

chelle.... chellle... chelle... chelle, we're over here. In the kitchen, just waiting......

Catch up.

2009-02-04T17:45:00.000-08:00

Just to let everyone know, I am having surgery on 2-16-09 on my shoulder. The cortisone was really a good thing, because I now know that eventually I will be able to move my arm perfectly. After we get the piece of bone out of the way of my sideways movement, I will be able to work myself up to full use, but not before.

In the mean time I am doing quite well on the sweater, I am almost done with the increases on the sleeves (doing them at the same time on 2 circs.. see..

Here is the body, up to the underarm, (sounds so much better then "up to the arm pitts!) hard to see the detail.

I am really looking forward to doing the color work on the sweater, I just hope that I can get it done so that I can wear it sometime this season, and not have to put it away for the summer months. I must confess that I am ready to start an Aran to steek as well... A nice cream colored sweater to wear with anything.

Now, I'm just getting greedy.

Sam's thoughts on homework.

2009-02-04T17:40:00.000-08:00

Sam has to write sentences for his spelling words.. Sam really likes to get his point across. I am glad that Sam's English teacher has a good sense of humor--

1. I would have like to have divided my homework load.
2. If I had to eternally do homework, I would die.
3. My bouncy ball’s deflated.
4. I scarcely enjoy doing homework.
5. A silhouette is a shadow that stands still.
6. I can barely stand having this much homework.
7. I hate amusement parks.
8. I am sincere about wanting to be done with my homework.
9. My kittens are adorable.
10. Consequently, if I do not get my homework done, my mom will ground me.

Still here

2009-02-02T04:38:00.001-08:00

I swear it!

This week has been lost to hours of homework fighting.. only to realize on Thursday that Sam's face has been missing his glasses for ages. I have known that he wasn't wearing them. All of the excuses, they're too small, (true) I don't need them (So ridiculous, left eye is 1.5 right eye is 4.0) etc, etc. I finally figured it out. He is refusing to do math until he gets home because we do it on the dry wipe board together and he can see it then. If he says he can't see it at school, he has to wear his glasses again.

Color me feeling stupid.

Needless to say, we ordered new glasses Friday to fit his face-- he hates getting new glasses.

The Mom foot has gone down! Glasses are to be worn at all times, by both boys!

I pulled up symptoms of uncorrected vision on the Internet to show Sam, and it fit his issues at school to a "t". The real answer came when I made him put them on and we were done with his Math in less than 10 minutes. Oh, and his headache went away..

Imagine that!

Sam asked me in exasperation, if I get tired being right all the time, I have to say that really, I don't....

Time for quiet

2009-01-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

This has been a long week. There has not been one day this week that has not held some huge change or horrific news for me. I won't go into details. I will tell you that I went to church this morning and found that it had all caught up with me.

I belong to the Friends church. I'm a Quaker, and although my church is not unprogramed (meaning the kind that sit in silent worship nearly always) we always have 15-20 minutes of silent worship during the service. Boy, did I have a shocker today. It took me forever to still my thoughts, and I realized that I had done everything I could all week during all of my turmoil to never have silence. I had the t.v. on, the audible books, the kids, the radio in the car, a DVD during the laundry (anyone get the picture yet?)

I had done my praying in the morning, as I always do, but this week, in a hurry, getting ready for work, no morning scriptures, no silence.

So many huge blessings, light heart, and through all of it I hid behind noise. I did give thanks, cursory thanks.

"Yep God, ah thanks for that.. big stuff, been praying for it for years, don't want to emotionally deal with it right now though... let's do lunch. air kiss. amen"

Huge sadness's, heavy heart (I'll miss you Sky, Nancy's Heather, my heart aches for you and I am also so proud of you) and again through it all I hid behind the noise. I did not ask for help, I did not pray for peace, or acceptance.

The Quaker belief is simple, you cannot hear God (not literally folks) if you are cluttered up with sound. I need to stop, and take the time to truly meditate.

This is easier said than done, at this moment I have a 12 year old actively trying to not take a bath (he's in there, with soap, just not wanting to use it.) and it's 9:22 pm on a school night. Dinner dishes just got done, and the coffee is ready to brew in the morning. I have to be up at 4:15 am to be at work on time. You get the picture.

I write this tonight, because if I went to bed before I did, it would play in my mind again and again like a tape recorder. Maybe I can feel the stillness tonight because I have faced that I have been running away all week.

Stillness, silence is a habit, like eating right, exercising, not beating your children when they think dirt is an inalienable right. It is really easy to lose these good habits with just a little bit of laziness. McDonald's is faster, I don't have time to exercise (can't play basketball now anyway) and frankly a fatal beating sounds effective right now.

I think I need to rework the good habits again, at least the silence, and frankly the good eating thing really needs to work itself back into the picture. Just the little time of forced silence in Meeting today really healed me, re-centered me, at least put me back on the path of trying to accept that my ways are not the ways of God, and frankly, his ways are not really my business. I just have to deal with it. In silence.

Quick update

2009-01-23T04:56:00.000-08:00

No great philosophical hullabaloo today, just letting you know that after PT on Weds. Kim, my physical therapist, and I discussed surgery being the best option, and I am calling the doctor today to schedule this. The cortisone did some marvelous stuff. I can move my shoulder in ways that I have not been able to since the break. I just cannot move it past the area that the "junk" is in. So, that pretty much answers the question right away. No fuss, no muss, just get in and get it out so I can move on.

I'm glad it's Friday. I have to work tomorrow, but Saturdays at work are so much quieter then normal that I'm fine with that. I better get a move on though.. I need to shower and propel myself out the door...

Spencer

2009-01-19T09:42:00.000-08:00

Today, John is taking Spencer, our 15 year old kitty in to be put to sleep. He has cancer, and we have kept him at home as long as possible to keep him comfortable, but he is showing signs of suffering. We will let him go in peace.

The boys have not known a day without him, and when his sister, Tess died in April of kidney failure it was a really hard thing. They have been able to see the sore on his side though, and I think that has allowed them time to understand his illness.

The boys and Tess...

When Tess died, the boys wanted kittens. I said, "No, that's not fair to Spencer, he's an old man, and kittens running around would not be great for him." Huh... What I know, and what God knows are different things all together.

About three weeks after I broke my shoulder, I was doing the laundry (with one hand) and my amazing dog, Oscar, laid some little furry thing at my feet. I thought it was one of the boys stuffed animals, but it did not look familiar. I reached down and found that I had a completely unharmed, perfect 2 week old baby kitten in my hands. Well, long story just a little shorter, across the street was a family with 2 nursing queens. They took on another kitten.. the next day Oscar showed me where the other two kittens were, (I had looked the day before) in my compost pile, under brambles. I took the other two to the vet right away, they force fed the littlest one and told me to not expect him to live. The mother cats took over though, and I had them at my house at 6 weeks old.. They are alive and thriving.

I was asked several times if we were going to keep all three kittens, and of course we did. Well, how many times in your life does God (using a dog of all things) drop a kitten at your feet while you're doing laundry?

I tell you this because Spencer was fantastic with these new babies. He laid with them, protecting them and bathing them. I really think that he had missed having another cat around, having always had Tess. I think that they have made his last days happier. I know that having the new babies will make the loss of Spencer a little easier to bare. My heart aches to have him go. I think that I could not have born to have a house empty of cat-ness.

Another Birthday.

2009-01-18T09:09:00.000-08:00

Oh no... not mine. My oldest child turns 12 today. As of 12:12 am this morning, he was 12 years old.

It seems to me that the time has flown by. I know that this is a platitude, but platitudes must be just that because they continue to be really true, in some sense anyway. Right?

What freezes my blood is that there is so little time left. I often tell people that my job, as a parent (as I see it anyway) is to make my children good citizens of the world. I do not care that they have Asperger's, I would not care if they were deaf, blind, or neurotypical... it does not matter. My job as a parent is to teach my children to live in this world we are all born into responsibly, with care for others, and with honor and integrity. This may mean that my job, because my children are different can be challenging at times, but when I had children I may have expected cute, baby perfection, and the natural progression of development laid out in the "What to expect" books, but God had other plans for me. I have learned to go along for the ride, and to try not to pilot the plane.

By the way, I had cute, baby perfection, with both boys. I also had my first child laughing at me when I tripped in front of him at 5 months.. He did not want to be held too long, even at 10 days old, he would hold a particularly interesting baby rattle for 15 minutes, just staring at it at 4 months old.. (I timed this...) just studying it. At 21 months he was using words like "annoying" to me. He would put himself into his playpen at 2 and just hang out for hours, perfectly happy to be in the same room with you, but separate, and quiet. We thought we had an eccentric lad, like my father. No harm there.

When he got into school, my quiet mild mannered child turned into a tortured, overwhelmed child, who by the 2nd grade was throwing chairs across the class room.

This all comes down to not having him diagnosed (what did we know about autism? Nothing!) and the school that he was at knowing nothing about it either. It took a brand new teacher, fresh out of college (God bless that young woman) to know what she was looking at, and the school administrators forbid her to tell us, as we might get upset. She realized this 2 weeks into 2nd grade. They told us in May. I am still angry about this.

We've moved past this, Sam is in a great school now. He starts Jr High next year though, and I worry. I know that there is a brand new class at one of our Jr highs here in the area that is for high functioning autism and that one of my friends, friend's child is loving school for the first time, but they are talking about closing the class already! (Ah, the networking that goes on with our children... all parents do this, not all are as aware that they are, I think.)

With Ben, we caught the autism earlier. There were different signs, and he is effected in different ways. As are, frankly all people with autism, there is no set rule of what ths diagnosis defines. As we were able to start him with help as he first went into school, he is completely mainstreamed, with assistance, but is coming along really well.

I like to think that we are doing fine on our way to teaching our children to be good citizens. It really seems such a short time that we have as parents to set down some pretty big ideas. A short while to teach habits to make sure that our children are compassionate and kind to all, and yet do not lay down and take crap from other people their whole lives.

The other day, Sam and I were talking about school, he is very overwelmed in his math class lately. He is mainstreamed in english and math class right now and math is in the afternoon, and has 2 different classes being taught at the same time. We were discussing the sensory overload, and I asked him if he wanted to use a carosel desk (one that has a sort of special wall around it.. like the ones in a library) he was horrified. He said that he did not! I asked him why? I said

" You know that you are different, this can help you to focus and not feel so distracted"

Sam replied..

"I know that I'm different, I accept that I'm different, and I'm okay that I'm different. I just don't want to be made fun of because I'm different."

Now, I ask you, does that sound as wise to you as it does to me? Maybe 6 more years will be enough time after all.

ouchie, momma!

2009-01-13T18:09:00.000-08:00

I got the cortisone shot today... just one.

It hurt. Well, stings actually.

I hope it works.

No more typing today!